Last updated: February 19. 2013 11:03PM - 319 Views

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NEWTOWN, Conn. — While the people of Newtown do their best to cope with loss and preserve the memories of their loved ones, another class of residents is also finding it difficult to move on: the emergency responders who saw firsthand the terrible aftermath of last week's school shooting.


Firefighter Peter Barresi was driving through Newtown on Friday when police cars with lights flashing and sirens blaring raced toward his oldest son's elementary school. After he was sent to Sandy Hook school himself, he saw things that will stay with him forever.


With anguished parents searching for their children, he prepared to receive the wounded, but a paramedic came back empty-handed, underscoring the totality of the massacre. Barresi, whose own son escaped unharmed, later discovered that among the 26 dead were children who played baseball with his son and had come to his house for birthday parties.


For some of us, it's fairly difficult, said Barresi, of the Sandy Hook Volunteer Fire and Rescue Co. Fortunately most of us did not go in.


Newtown and environs weathered a fourth day of funerals Thursday, six days after a 20-year-old gunman killed his mother at home, 20 children and six adults at the school and himself for reasons still unknown. Mourners laid to rest Catherine Hubbard, Benjamin Wheeler, Jesse Lewis and Allison Wyatt, all 6 years old; and Grace McDonnell, 7.


A service was held in Katonah, N.Y., for teacher Anne Marie Murphy, 52, who authorities believe helped shield some of her students from the rain of bullets. Roman Catholic Cardinal Timothy Dolan compared her to Jesus.


Like Jesus, Annie laid down her life for her friends, Dolan said.


Gov. Dannel Malloy has asked people across Connecticut to observe a moment of silence at 9:30 a.m. today, which will mark a week since the shootings. Places of worship and buildings with bells have been asked to ring them 26 times. Officials and clergy in many other states have said they will also participate.


While family, friends and even strangers weep, members of the emergency forces that responded to the shooting, many of them volunteers, are wrestling with frustration, guilt and anguish as they receive counseling from a state intervention team to help them deal with the horrors they saw and heard.


Authorities say the victims were shot with a high-powered, military-style rifle loaded with ammunition designed to inflict maximum damage. All the victims had been shot at least twice, the medical examiner said, and as many as 11 times. Two victims were pronounced dead at a hospital, while all others died in the school.


Initially, only police were allowed to enter the building amid concerns about a second shooter. They are credited with helping to end the rampage by gunman Adam Lanza, who killed himself as officers stormed the building. But some responders struggle with not having been able to do more, questions over what could have been done differently and a feeling that they do not deserve praise.


Firefighter Marc Gold, who rushed to offer help even though his company was not called, said he is haunted by the trauma of the parents and the faces of the police who emerged from the building.


I saw the faces of the most hardened paramilitary, SWAT team guys come out, breaking down, saying they've just never seen anything like this, said Gold, a member of the Hawleyville Volunteer Fire Department.


What's really scary to me is I'm really struggling, and I didn't see the carnage.


After escorting the last group of children from the school to safety, Gold also was positioned outside the school to help with the injured, but he never had the opportunity.


Most of my emotions are guilt, guilt because we weren't able to do something, guilt for the accolades I'm getting, said Gold, a 50-year-old father of three. It doesn't feel good when people say nice things to me. It feels good for a second, and then you feel guilty for feeling good.


Joel Faxon, a member of the Newtown Police Commission, said the trauma experienced by the officers should be treated no differently from physical injuries.


The first Newtown police officers on the scene at the Sandy Hook Elementary School minutes after the assassin began his rampage witnessed unspeakable carnage, said Faxon, adding that the governor and state lawmakers should change laws if needed to ensure the officers receive due treatment and benefits.


Other developments

HARROLD, Texas — The school board in this remote town where the law is 30 minutes away voted to let teachers bring guns to school.


We don't have money for a security guard, but this is a better solution, Superintendent David Thweatt said.


Texas law bans guns in schools unless the school has given written authorization. Arizona and six other states have similar laws with exceptions for people who have licenses to carry concealed weapons.


ALBANY, N.Y. — The practice of teacher and public worker retirement funds investing in gun makers is under review in at least four states, including two of the most populous, California and New York.


It's a bad investment to put money behind companies that put military-grade weapons on our streets and refuse to take responsibility for the outcome, said New York City Public Advocate Bill de Blasio.



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