5 Things You Need to Know This Week

>> TAKE US TO YOUR BACHELORS: It’s a scientific fact that our television transmissions travel out into space at the speed of light. If there are aliens paying attention, that means your favorite shows will one day be seen by some six-armed crab creature from the planet Ulg. I wonder what they’ll make of tonight’s season finale of “The Bachelor.” “Hmm. What a strange culture.” They may think. “They turn the mating ritual into a made-for-TV spectacle with embellished drama. Prepare to invade!” The show starts at 8 p.m. Catch it before the Ulgian ships arrive.

>> SUPER FUZZY HEROS: Long before the Avengers laced up their tights, Spider-Man slung out a web or Batman pulled on his mask, there was Super Grover. The blue Muppet has been attempting to fight what crime exists on Sesame Street for decades. And now, he needs help. You can see how Grover gets out of his predicament when Sesame Street Live “Elmo’s Super Heroes” leaps into the Mohegan Sun Arena later this week. Shows run from Thursday through Sunday. Bring the kiddos and have some fun.

>> BUZZ OVER BUZZARDS: It must be tough being a turkey buzzard. In the world of migrating birds, it plays second fiddle to the more famous swallows of San Juan Capistrano. Everywhere, that is, except in Hinkley, Ohio, where the turkey buzzard is treated like feathered royalty. In that northern Ohio town, March 15 is known as Buzzard Day and is celebrated with festivities galore. It’s sort of like Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney. … Except with buzzards instead of rodents.

>> PATRON SAINT OF PARTIES: In the fifth century, St. Patrick crisscrossed Ireland preaching the Gospel and saving souls. For his missionary work, he became known as the “Apostle of Ireland” and was eventually honored with sainthood. And how do we honor his good works? We paint everything green, drink beer and throw parties. Thank you, St. Patrick! In Wilkes-Barre, that party will be this Saturday, when the city holds its parade. The actual St. Patrick’s Day is on Sunday, so that gives you two excuses to celebrate.

>> THE CHOSEN ONES: To college basketball fans, no sporting event compares to the Men’s NCAA Tournament. But before those games tip off next week, they first have to fill up the March Madness “dance card.” The big wigs at the NCAA take on that task on March 17, aka “Selection Sunday.” Theoretically, that means 68 lucky teams will be chosen for the chance at basketball glory. But in reality, the North-Southwestern Idaho Valley States of the world are just cannon fodder for the Dukes of the world. But, hey! They can dream. The selection begins at 6 p.m. on CBS.