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Years after my college graduation, someone asked me who the keynote speaker was. I couldn’t recall – but my father could.
No surprise there, and not just because my father had a terrific memory.
It’s because college commencement programs are all about the parents. I’m not ashamed to say that my son’s college graduation today is a much bigger deal for me than it is for him.
His high school graduation was a big deal for him, but he hadn’t planned on going to his college ceremony. To him, the diploma and the feeling of relief after all of that hard work were enough. But not for me. I wasn’t giving up this moment.
Those first special moments
All of the occasions in my children’s lives have been special – christenings, first days of school, first proms, First Holy Communions, confirmations, high school graduations. And a high school graduation is a major milestone. It’s when our sons and daughters hit that magical age of 18, when the law says they are officially adults. It’s the first time they are called upon to make a big decision: workforce, college, military.
It’s the first time they’ll choose their own path because up until that point, they have had little, if any, say in their lives.
Fast forward four or more years and it’s a different story. Many of this year’s college graduates have lived on their own, some quite far from home. They may have had to earn money to pay for essentials like apartments, gas for the car, cell phones and meals. The whole college experience was like sticking their toes into the water of real life.
I think that’s why a college graduation is so much different from a high school commencement, especially to parents. We know that this could be the last really big ceremony we attend. The days of youth soccer and Little League, high school football and basketball are long gone. We know what it’s like to watch them slowly slip away from our care as they become increasingly independent with each college semester. Watching them accept their bachelor degrees is one final chance to sit in the stands and root for them and to see the fruits of their hard work.
There will be other special moments in their lives, I hope. Graduate degrees, marriage and children may be in the cards for some though we never know for sure.
That’s why I’m savoring today. I know how hard my son worked to get here and he did it all on his own: the studying, the papers, the projects, the full-time job on the side.
Maybe that’s why this is a bittersweet day for parents. We are sad to see our children take one big step without us yet we are proud that they can.
I graduated from King’s College 27 years ago and the memory of my mother looking out from the aisle as I walked into the gym is so vivid that I feel as though I can reach out and touch her. I remember what she was wearing, how her hair was styled. I can see that look on her face – the one parents have when they are waiting to get a glimpse of their child do something special, then finally spot them.
My mother died less than a year later.
It wasn’t until my son started talking about skipping commencement that I realized how gratifying it was for her to see me accept my diploma.
Mother’s Day was last week but my son is giving me the best present ever today.
Thanks, Ken. I’m proud of you.