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Sunday, August 01, 1999 Page: 2D
Questions of life, outer space and Heaven defy even the best minds
“I wonder if cats go to Heaven when they die?”
Neighbor Ned and I were sprawling in my living room with our after-dinner
coffee. My cat had just jumped up into my lap and I had noticed her mid-life
spread and heard her grunt with the effort of the jump. I was reminded she
would not be with me foreverNed too grunted his reply: “I’m not sure any of us
will go to Heaven. Is there a Heaven?”
I was surprised. “You don’t believe in Heaven?”
“I like destinations I can be sure of,” Ned said. “I believe in, let’s say,
New York. I know New York is there, I’ve been there; even lived there. But,
Heaven? Nobody ever came back from the boneyard and told me he had been
talking with his equally dead grandpa.”
“What a cynic,” I sneered
“No, I’m not a cynic; just a guy with some questions. Good night! We’ve had
guys flitting around up there a thousand miles high, and no Heaven.”
“Maybe it’s a million miles high,” and I smiled brightly, thinking I had
topped him. But no…
“How about the Hubble Telescope?” he said. “The Hubble looks out a billion
miles, and don’t tell me maybe it’s a trillion miles.”
I was loath to give up, so I said: “Well, maybe it is a trillion miles. Or
maybe Heaven is in another universe or in another dimension. How about that?”
“I give up,” Ned said.
“So I win,” I said with satisfaction. “Now that we’ve established there is
a Heaven do you think my cat is going to join us when we all expire?”
“Of course not. She’s just a cat.”
“But she’s an animal, just as you and I. Don’t ever forget, buddy, we are
all animals. If one animal goes to Heaven, why don’t we all go there?”
Ned didn’t even have to think about this one. He blurted out: “Because the
lower animals don’t have souls. Only we humans have souls.”
I saw my opening: “Well, well, well,” I said, “You are the guy who believes
New York City is there only because you’ve seen it. How many souls have you
seen? What is a soul? What does it look like?”
With this, Ned broke down and chuckled, “Touche,” he said, then: “Our
positions reverse. First, you’re the cynic, now I’m the cynic. Look, since
neither of us know what we’re talking about, how about we change the topic?
Along a similar religious line, where do you stand on the recent debate over
displaying The Ten Commandments in schools?
“Oh,” I told him, “That’s a no-no. Even the Constitution tells us that. I’m
not going to argue with our Constitution.”
Ned shook his head. “The Constitution,” he said, “objects only to the
religious implications being taught in the public schools. Only the first four
of the Commandments are clearly religious. Number one says `I am the Lord …
no other Gods before me.’ Number two warns of the graven images. Number three
says not to take the Lord’s name in vain. Number four orders us to remember
the Sabbath”.
“But,” Ned continued, “the rest strike me as nothing more than good social
suggestions … common sense orders to make civilization work. Number five
says honor your mother and father. Number six tells us not to kill each other.
Number seven says do not commit adultery. Number eight says don’t steal
things. Number nine says we should avoid giving false witness. And number 10
says don’t covet wives and stuff. Now, what’s wrong with five through 10? Who
could object to a list of these final six commandments hanging in the
schools?”
“Gee, I don’t know,” I said. “Sounds like a good idea. might be a good
solution to the problem … a nice compromise.”
“I’m gonna talk to Paul Kanjorski about it.”
“I don’t know why I never thought of that, Ned. And I say touche right back
to YOU.”
Jack Charest’s “Thoughts for Grownups” appears every Sunday in the Times
Leader.