Good News

September 27, 2009

Big Brothers, big difference

Volunteer ‘brothers and sisters’ help kids

By Andrew M. Seder aseder@timesleader.com
Times Leader Staff Writer
Andrew M. Seder on Facebook   |   @TLAndrewSeder on Twitter

Parents seeking out the Big Brothers Big Sisters organization often are looking for someone to add healthy influences and a stable relationship to the life of their child. But in 1977, Kay Pettinger yearned for those feelings in her own adult life.

“I was looking for a sense of satisfaction or fulfillment,” said Pettinger, recalling herself at age 28. She saw an article about Big Brothers Big Sisters, contacted the group and volunteered to serve as a “big sister” to any area girl in need of a mentor.

Pettinger, now 60, said, “I enjoyed my role as big sister to my own younger sister,” and she believed someone could benefit from her available time and dedication.

Perhaps now more than ever, children are in need of mentors and role models. According to the latest Census data, more than 22,000 Luzerne County households with children have only one parent present. As more children are living in single-parent homes or in families with both parents working, sometimes multiple jobs, there is less opportunity for children and parents to forge strong bonds.

That’s where Big Brothers Big Sisters comes in. With a mission of helping children “reach their potential through professionally supported, one-to-one relationships,” the organization matches children who are looking for a mentor with an adult volunteering time, skills and compassion.

Finding qualified mentors is difficult in good times. When more people are out of work or worried about their savings, they’re less likely to commit to being a mentor.

“The times we’ve seen economic downturn, we definitely see a decrease in the number of people volunteering. They batten down the hatches and take care of their own personal needs first,” said Tanya Olaviany, coordinator for the Big Brothers Big Sisters program in Wilkes-Barre.

“At those times we also see a spike in the number of children in need of Big Brothers Big Sisters.”

With 525 children currently placed with big sisters or brothers in a five-county area served by Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Bridge, including 225 that were placed in 2008, Olaviany said the community has supported the program. Another 274 children are on the waiting list and the list continues to grow by a few each week. Some have waited three years.

“Any time you have a waiting list you have a concern,” Olaviany said. “But it’s also a part of life at Big Brothers Big Sisters. We never seem to have enough volunteers.”

Pettinger has been an exceptional example. She joined the program three years after the local chapter was established and never looked back.

Within months she was matched with Gina, then 7 years old. The relationship lasted until Gina and her family moved out of the county in 1982, but the two, 21 years apart in age, continued a friendship that has lasted to this day. Gina has since moved to Oklahoma and Pettinger admits “it’s not as close now as it used to be,” but she still looks back on the experience with a sense of pride.

She does the same as she recites the list of little sister after little sister she was matched with over the past 32 years.

After Gina there was Wendy. They were together for three years. Then came Melissa. They spent 11 years together in the program, but the two formed a more complex bond than sisters.

“I consider her as a second mother,” said Melissa Conrad, 30, of Wilkes-Barre.

Pettinger returns the thought.

“She’s still a very big part of my life and I of hers,” said Pettinger, who lives in Sugar Notch.

Pettinger was Conrad’s Lamaze coach and was there for the birth of both her children, Chastity, 11, and Christian, 4. Pettinger also is their godmother.

Conrad, like many of the children who find themselves in the program, came from a single-parent household.

She said her mom “thought it was a better opportunity to build more healthy relationships.” Melissa needed someone who she could confide in, get life advice from and who could help raise her social skills and confidence.

It worked.

“She taught me to boost my self-esteem growing up and helped me develop better social skills. Any time I ever needed to talk to someone I called Kay,” Conrad said.

Conrad’s mother thought it would work for a few years. Instead the two women have been integral parts of each other’s lives for 23 years.

Pettinger feels that never marrying or having children herself has helped her appreciate the connections she’s made with her little sisters even more.

“It’s obvious if I’ve been involved for 30 years that I’ve found it to be a very rewarding and satisfying experience,” Pettinger said.

And it’s obvious from talking to some of her little sisters that the same can be said for their involvement.

Nicole Anderson, 18, was Pettinger’s fourth little sister. The Parsons native calls Pettinger her “best friend.”

“I mean that. I tell her that all the time. No matter what I do, she’s always there for me,” Anderson, now living in Scranton, said. She credits Pettinger with keeping her life on track and said she never would have enrolled at Luzerne County Community College if it weren’t for Pettinger’s guidance.

“It’s very rewarding and satisfying to help a child reach their potential and to help them navigate through the land mines and become a productive adult,” Pettinger said.

Anderson said she has gotten so much out of the program and the bond with Pettinger that she’s already decided when the time is right she too will volunteer as a big sister.

“I want to, but I want to wait until I have enough time to help someone else as much as I was helped. I’m definitely going to do it,” Anderson said.

Program participants becoming volunteers has been a trend, Olaviany said.

As for Pettinger and her four little sisters, that’s a rarity.

“Locally we predominantly see one and done volunteers,” Olaviany said.

For Pettinger, Anderson might have been her last program match.

“I’m debating another. I’m taking a little breather and we’ll see. I don’t want to make that commitment and not fulfill it. I wouldn’t do that to a child,” she said.

Big brother, big changes

Three of the girls Pettinger was matched with came from single-parent homes.

That’s also the case with Eric Baranowski.

Sitting on a bench in Kirby Park, Baranowski admits that who he was 18 months ago wasn’t much fun. With few friends and a mother who often couldn’t be home because of working 12-hour swing shifts, he rarely left the solitude of his basement.

His father, Richard Baranowski, died in 2004 and his brother is 15 years older and long ago established his own life away from the family’s Hanover Township home.

But his mother, Diana Krupa, decided something had to change. She didn’t like her 14-year-old son’s routine so she signed him up for the Big Brothers Big Sisters program and within months he was matched with Bloomsburg University student Chris Mullen.

Mullen, who grew up with two sisters in Mountain Top, always wanted a brother. And Baranowski needed a male role model in his life. It was a “perfect match,” said Krupa as she watched the two play tennis at Kirby Park on a recent Sunday morning.

“I got so nervous,” Krupa said. “He spent so much time alone in the basement with his computer and video games. He even started sleeping down there.”

Mullen was nervous too.

“You don’t know who you’re going to get matched up with. But the program workers do a really good job matching interests and it worked out well with Eric,” Mullen said. “It’s kind of intimidating at first. You don’t know whether the kid’s going to open up. But it’s been great.”

The program has few mandates, but interaction as often as possible is one. Whether it’s going to a movie, playing games, participating in community service events or just studying, big and little brothers and sisters are encouraged to interact at least once every two weeks if not more frequently. For some, the commitment is too much. For Mullen and Baranowski, they wish they had more chances to hang out.

Things turned around “dramatically” for her son after 80 weeks of visits, Krupa said. She believes Mullen has been a life-changing inspiration to the teen.

“He’s grown up, he cares about his appearance. I’ve seen a major, major turnaround,” she said.

Eric took up bicycling and sports and improved his school work. He has been looking for a part-time job and has been more open with her.

“The things he’s introduced him to, now I have the opposite problem. I can’t keep him home,” Krupa said.

Baranowski said he went into the program with an open mind. “It’s turned better than I thought,” he said.

Mullen is a typical Big Brother Big Sister volunteer, program coordinator Olaviany said. “They’re often 21- to 25-year-old individuals beginning to establish themselves in their careers and personal lives.”

Mullen plans to attend law school and was told that having community service work on his application helps. But what was to be a one-year resume filler has turned into an 18-month relationship that neither brother sees ending.

“I don’t know where I’m going to be a year from now but every time I come home, it’s not hard to run up here and see him,” Mullen said. “With the Internet and technology it’s not hard to stay in touch no matter where you are.”

Baranowski, a Hanover Area High School sophomore, said he’ll continue to lean on Mullen and ask for advice about life, education and a career. And Krupa said she has no doubt her son will continue to bounce ideas off his big brother.

She said she only has one concern about entering her son in the program.

“My only regret is that I waited so long,” Krupa said.

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