We’re taking a break from the heavy lifting today. Call it a celebration of a new month, the first full month of spring; call it a time out from the constant flow of predicted doom and never-brightening gloom. Just go with it and have fun.
Journalists use words as tools. All of us appreciate a well-turned phrase. And many of us find funny a well-phrased turn from the expected.
The Washington Post for years has run a contest for neologisms, new definitions of familiar words. These and many more can be found in the Style Invitational column of the Post, available online.
The most recent contest winners found their way into our email inbox recently, and we hope they provide a temporary break from the uglier news of the day.
So, we propose adding to the official dictionary definitions for these words some new alternates.
• Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
• Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
• Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
• Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
• Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
• Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
• Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
• Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
• Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
All the bad stuff’s still out there, of course. Today we attempted to obscure it, at least for a short while. We hope we succeeded.
Lebanon Daily News