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Boatload of suggestions for yacht names MARK GUYDISH OPINION

Sunday June 14, 2009 | 01:00 AM

With the sad news that Attorney Robert Powell must forfeit his yacht “Reel Justice” as part of his plea agreement in the courthouse corruption scandal, we can now openly ask what has been on many a mind:

“Reel Justice”? What are you, a Bugs Bunny cartoon character?

Actually, there was a Bugs Bunny episode that almost fits. In “Hare Brush,” Elmer Fudd the hunter thinks he’s a rabbit and is admitted to a psychiatric facility. He cons Bugs into taking his place in therapy, and the shrink convinces the real rabbit that he is Elmer, forcing him to repeat: “I am Elmer J. Fudd, millionaire. I own a mansion and a yacht.” Role reversals and hilarity ensue.

Some people – like me – find it equally cartoonish when Powell insists he’s really innocent, that two corrupt judges extorted payments in exchange for filling the private juvenile detention facility the attorney had helped finance. “I am Robert Powell, millionaire. I was the victim, just like the kids.” But I digress.

It’s the yacht name that makes this start to feel like a Warner Brothers Production. And if we were in an animated farce, what would the other characters name their yachts?

Let’s assume Pittston Area School District Superintendent Ross Scarantino could afford a yacht – actually, he probably can, since he’s on paid leave despite having pleaded guilty to taking money for awarding district contracts. What would he call his boat? “Reel Edjukation?” “Reel Deal?” Maybe “My Property Tax Relief.”

Wait, I’ve got it: “No Class.”

Former county probation officer Sandy Brulo, who doctored court documents, could name her yacht something like “Doin’ Reel Time” or “Reel Phony.” Better yet: “Pro Bait.”

Of course, the name she gave it in official paperwork wouldn’t match the name painted on the stern.

Christening potential monikers

Former court administrator William Sharkey – guilty of keeping money seized from illegal gambling operations that should have been turned over to the county – could christen his yacht “Reel Gamble” or “Seized the day.” But with that name and his penchant for taking more than earned, how could he resist calling it “Sharkey’s Bite.”

The two former judges who took all the money – Mark Ciavarella and Michael Conahan – would obviously name their yacht “We served Just Us.”

There is one character in our “Plunder Dome” saga who remains uncharged: Mega-developer Robert Mericle, known as “participant 2” in original paperwork that brought the sordid affair to light. Participant 2 actually built the juvie center in question, and gave a boatload of money to the two judges. Despite this, Mericle has been accused of nothing. A few yacht names that come to mind: “Reel Lucky,” “Legal Mericle,” and “Off the Hook.” Considering how so much of the property he owns seems to sit in tax-free “Keystone Opportunity Zones,” it could be dubbed “Reel KOZy.”

We could dock Powell’s yacht in the Susquehanna, outside the courthouse, and rechristen it with a moniker that would remind us all how important it is to be ever diligent in guarding against government greed and corruption. Maybe “Yacht’s what you get,” or “Secrecy’s Price.”

But let’s not forget the feds. From the pace of arrests, they must be putting in huge overtime. They may deserve to take the yacht for themselves. And they would only need to change one letter in the current name to make it fitting, reflecting something we are all incredibly glad to finally see:

“Real Justice.”

About the Author

Mark Guydish covers education for the Times Leader. Reach him at (570) 970-7161 or mguydish@timesleader.com.

A West Hazleton native, I worked as a service technician repairing electronic mailing and shipping systems, a bike shop owner and an Emergency Medical Technician (among other jobs) before landing a reporter job at the Times Leader Hazleton Bureau in 1995. I started by covering primarily politics in Hazleton City and outlying municipalities, eventually became "social issues" team leader in the Wilkes-Barre office with the accent on education, and headed the Hazleton Bureau for a spell before returning to full-time reporting, my preferred position. I'm an avid cyclist and rode across the country in 1990, a trip of more than 5,000 miles from New Jersey to Seattle and down the coast to San Francisco. Years in the Boy Scouts made me a life long backpacker and camper, and I've yet to find a better way to enjoy the quiet lure of winter snow than cross country skiing.

Mark also writes a regular blog for timesleader.com.