Advice in battle with bishop rooted in church history

Friends of mine, very concerned about the controversy between Bishop Joseph Martino and the “unionists,” asked me if I might state an opinion, even perhaps a solution, to this ongoing confrontation. Like the present Democratic primary, things, they said, were beginning to get nasty.

I told them that while I sympathized with the objectives of the parochial school faculties, given the history and hierarchical structure of the Catholic Church, the matter really was one of doctrine and therefore not argumentative.

My friends trotted-out Pope Leo XIII’s “Rerum Novarum,” the encyclical supporting labor and by inference permitting Catholics to form and join labor unions. This sets a precedent supporting our rights to organize, I was told.

Once again, I told them that they were wrong. The Catholic Church is a mitered oligarchy and given to arbitrariness. To oligarchs, I continued, precedents are honored only if it serves their current needs.

Bishops, not unlike their namesakes on the chess board, move diagonally – never in a straight line. This permits them to cut corners, actually to do as they please. Your right to form unions might be based upon convincing (straight) arguments. However, since you have empowered your bishops, they will play by the rules of the game you yourselves obediently observe. Therefore, they can slice your rationales in any way and at any time it suits their pleasure. In other words – you lose!

My friends now were totally dejected. I tried to exit the conversation gracefully by reminding them that I was not Catholic and therefore not qualified to inject my opinions. They, however, reminded me that I was a graduate of the University of Scranton and had often praised the scholarship and incisive thinking of my old Jesuit professors. This in itself, they told me, entitles me to offer an opinion as an “outsider.”

I relented and told them I would consider the matter and meet with them shortly, hopefully to suggest a solution to this troubling situation. So in time we did meet again and this is what I proposed:

The first thing you must do, I told them, was to collate all of their arguments, complaints, reasonings, etc., into the form of 95 Theses. The number must be exact. If you are unsure how to structure a Thesis, consult any erudite Protestant for assistance. They know. The 95 Theses should be written in Latin and preferably on parchment-like paper.

Next, seek out the residence of Bishop Martino. Walk to the door, and while that aperture may not resemble the one at Wittenberg Castle Church, it will serve the purpose. Nail the 95 Theses to the Bishop’s door and leave. The Bishop, when he discovers your Theses, should get the message. If he doesn’t, when the word gets out, I’m sure the pope will.

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