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PREDICTIONS

October 4, 2009

RAVENS (3-0) at PATRIOTS (2-1)

Line: Patriots by 2

What explosive offense? The Pats have four TDs in 13 red-zone trips. They’re not world-beaters anymore, and a trip to the AFC title game is no guarantee.

The pick: Ravens

GIANTS (3-0) at CHIEFS (0-3)

Line: Giants by 8

“Arrowhead Stadium is the NFL’s toughest place for visitors.” Once upon a time, but now that’s true for the Chiefs, losers of 13 of 14 there. In 1974 a Kansas City psychiatrist told me his couch was always more crowded after a Chiefs loss. Shrinks there must be getting rich off the Chiefs’ 2-26 death spiral. Why watch: To see if Todd “Angry Guy” Haley yells at Matt Cassel. Covering three straight road games would be a major feat for Big Blue, but consider the opponent.

The pick: Giants

LIONS (1-2) at BEARS (2-1)

Line: Bears by 10

The Lions are back from the dead. Will success spoil them? I doubt if they’ll beat the Bears, but this doesn’t have to be a slaughter.

The pick: Lions

BENGALS (2-1) at BROWNS (0-3)

Line: Bengals by 5

Not since 2005, when 10 teams went 5-11 or worse, have there been so many hopeless have-nots. Cleveland could be the worst of the bunch, but Mangenius is making sure each Brownie parks in his assigned space.

The pick: Bengals

RAIDERS (1-2) at TEXANS (1-2)

Line: Texans by 9

JaMarcus Russell threw for 1 yard in the second half against Denver. Houston has the NFL’s worst defense. Mr. Goodell, as a public service, black out this joke in all markets.

The pick: Texans

SEAHAWKS (1-2) at COLTS (3-0)

Line: Colts by 10

Road teams are 27-20-1 ATS, with favorites 26-21-1. Unknown streak: Indy has won 12 straight regular-season games. Only General Custer’s injury list was longer than Seattle’s. Peyton shreds the weak secondary of a bad road team.

The pick: Colts

TITANS (0-3) at JAGUARS (1-2)

Line: Titans by 3

Mouton means “sheep” in French, and return man Ryan Mouton was bleating after his fumbles set up two Jets TDs. Tennessee stops Maurice Jones-Drew and gets off the schneid.

The pick: Titans

BUCS (0-3) at REDSKINS (1-2)

Line: Redskins by 7

Millions will be bet on this farce, so maybe the economy isn’t as bad as they say. After his ’Skins groveled in Detroit, Jim Zorn said: “In the big picture, things are progressing.” Being delusional can be a great strength.

The pick: Redskins

BILLS (1-2) at DOLPHINS (0-3)

Line: Bills by 2

Will T.O. snap if Trent Edwards’ first pass doesn’t come his way? Miami is stuck with Chad Henne.

The pick: Bills

JETS (3-0) at SAINTS (3-0)

Line: Saints by 7

Bad history: In 1980, the 0-14 Aints seemed destined for negative perfection, but the Jets let them off the hook. Now one of these star-crossed franchises will be 4-0. New Orleans has the league’s scariest offense. For the first time since the New York Sack Exchange of the Eighties, the Jets’ defense attacks. Mark Sanchez has made inevitable rookie mistakes, but as Joe Namath would say, “The young man makes big puh-lays.” Drew Brees will make more of them.

The pick: Saints

COWBOYS (2-1) at BRONCOS (3-0)

Line: Cowboys by 3

Why watch: To see if Flozell Adams, world’s biggest kick boxer, leg whips Broncos sack specialist Elvis Dumervil. Coach Wade’s ’Boys are sloppy and disorganized, and Denver’s defense (5.3 ppg) has been surprisingly tough.

The pick: Broncos

RAMS (0-3) at 49ERS (2-1)

Line: 49ers by 9

Detroit passed the torch to the Rams, losers of 13 straight. S.F. rebounds after getting Favred at :02.

The pick: 49ers

CHARGERS (2-1) at STEELERS (1-2)

Line: Steelers by 6

Can the Steelers (0-3 ATS) handle a big spread? Their defense misses freaky playmaker Troy Polamalu, and their running game is still stalled.

The pick: Chargers

PACKERS (2-1) at VIKINGS (3-0)

Line: Vikings by 3

Angst in America’s Dairyland: Cheesehead Chuck Gouda spits on his 1996 Brett Favre poster and snarls, “I hate you, traitor.” Then he sobs hysterically and moans, “But why can’t I forget what we had together?” In a prime-time hatefest, the old gunslinger tries too hard and shoots himself in the foot.

The pick: Packers