The holidays are coming up and it looks like I'm going to be alone again. All of my friends have significant others. I'm so tired of being alone! Do you have any suggestions for meeting people? I just don't know how to go about finding the love I've been waiting for.
-Lonely in Larksville
Don't you fret. Auntie Estella is here to help.
I know people tend to get especially wistful about having a partner around the holidays. The thing to remember is why. It's all part of the romance of it.
The idea of the perfect holiday where you are surrounded by the ones you love and it's all joy, happiness, and tinsel is most often fiction. The reality is that the holidays are not really like that for most people, and the really important thing to remember is to truly enjoy what you do have.
So on that note comes my advice for finding a significant other.
The best advice is to follow your bliss. Forget most of the advice you've heard except the idea of putting yourself out there. I just suggest you think about it slightly differently than you may have in the past. When I say to put yourself out there I mean to get out of your routine, get out of whatever shell you are comfortable in and do something different.
Think about what you love to do. What gets you psyched? If you love pottery or poetry or drawing, take a class. You will inevitably meet people who are passionate about the same thing. If you attend church or are involved in some community activity, take a position on a committee and again you will meet people who care about the same causes you do.
Meeting random people in bars is totally hit or miss and may not be the best place to look for the love of your life. You have no idea what they are interested in or looking for. If you meet people based on specific interests, you have a much better chance of finding someone with whom you have something in common.
The best part is that, even if you don't meet the love of your life while following your bliss, your life will have been enriched and, chances are, you'll be happier for it. You may even end up with a beautiful vase to give Aunt Clara on Christmas.
Chances are you will also have made some friends along the way who may introduce you to hot, single potentials! You never know where following your bliss will lead you – up Mount Kilimanjaro or into bed with a Latin lover from salsa class.
Regardless of your relationship status, the most important thing to remember this holiday season is to thine own self be true. You don't need a significant other to make your yuletide merry. Surround yourself with the people you love. Alone doesn't always necessarily have to mean lonely.
Think of what you really wish for this holiday season. If you don't meet the love of your life, it's not the end of the world.
I understand your desire for love. Sometimes the harder you look, the more difficult it may become. Self-confidence is key when looking for that special someone. As my idol and mentor Ru Paul says, If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an Amen?
So in the meantime, live the life you love and love the life you live and just do you.
- Have a question? Write Stella at [email protected]. Find more of Stella all week at Twist Night Club or at facebook.com/ missestellasweet.