I don�??t remember a time when I wasn't a hot mess. Like having green eyes, being all over the place feels like it is just part of my permanent deal. I remember being three years old and peeling open the refrigerator door, a considerable accomplishment at the time, drinking pickle juice straight from the jar.
�??You can�??t drink that,�?� my mother would adamantly warn me. �??It will make you sick.�?�
After throwing a tantrum, she would give in and pour me a drop of pickle juice in a Dixie Cup. I would, of course, pretend to be pleased as I sipped on it. Then, as soon as I was in the clear, I�??d waddle back to the refrigerator and start chugging what I thought was an appropriate amount of pickle juice to soothe my craving. What a hot mess toddler!
Twenty-three years later, it�??s grape-flavored Four Loko that my mother catches me chugging at the refrigerator door. I guess habits have a better chance of evolving than dying.
The older I get, the harder it is to find a hot mess to relate to. Dude! Even Charlie Sheen seems to have gotten his act together.
Just when I thought a kindred soul didn't exist, I stumbled upon a TV show where a drunk Indian girl was crying because a mean-spirited doll she met at the bottom of a swimming pool made fun of her for being single. That�??s my life in a nutshell.
The more I watched this show, �??The Mindy Project,�?� starring Mindy Kaling from �??The Office,�?� the more I found comfort from the characters portrayed. They verified that someone�??s life could appear stable on paper and still be all over the place.
�??The Mindy Project�?� quickly became one of my favorite TV shows, as I found Kaling to basically be me with an Indian vagina.
Like everyone who falls short of wishing they were good enough friends with Kaling to raise a Chia Pet together, I decided to do the next best thing and follow her on Twitter.
When I went to @MindyKaling and clicked Follow, a message popped up: �??You have been blocked from following this account at the request of the user.�?�
�??Mindy Kaling blocked me from following her on Twitter?�?� I cried. �??My life can�??t be real.�?�
Crestfallen, I was left with many questions. Did I do something to piss off America�??s Indian sweetheart? How does she even know I exist? More importantly, I only have 195 Twitter followers. Is everyone tweeting without me?