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Q: My husband refuses to acknowledge our wedding anniversary! Money isn’t an issue for us. Nor is time. Nor anything else. But each year, our big day comes and goes, and he just ignores it. No cards. No gifts. Sometimes we watch our wedding video. But we don’t do much else. No fancy dinners out.
More than anything, I’d love to do something special to commemorate the fact that we’ve made it another year. So many of our friends haven’t been so lucky. We’re otherwise happy, but every year this comes up. What should I do? I’ve tried nagging. I’ve tried gentle persuasion. But nothing works. Please help me.
A Steve: Most husbands appreciate gentle reminders of when the big day is coming up. An anniversary is much harder for some men to remember than the date of their fantasy-football draft.
But your guy sounds like a hard case. Give it another shot, suggesting something special in the romantic realm that will get his attention. If he still doesn’t respond, it’s time for a serious chat about what’s behind this.
Mia: You didn’t mention how many years you’ve been married. Must be a while though. If that’s the case, then you’re stuck, Girlfriend. The sad reality is, your man doesn’t want to do anything for you.
You have to give up the fantasy of having a romantic day and being showered with flowers, diamond earrings and champagne, or you’ll make yourself miserable every year. I suggest you give it up. And remember, your anniversary is only one day each year.
Q: I have a boyfriend who lost his job, and I have made it quite clear to him that he needs to find another one. I wouldn’t pay $5 to go see him, because I felt he should be working. I would buy him an Old Country Buffet lunch, but I’m not going to take care of him or pay any of his bills. I would never pay any man’s bills. But a lot of women pay a man’s bills. What I want to know is, is it OK for the man to stay home while the woman works? Because I’m prejudiced against it. I wouldn’t do it. I’d like to know what you think.
A Mia: I wouldn’t take it as far as Destiny’s Child, who used to sing, “Can you pay my bills? Can you pay my telephone bills? Do you pay my automo’ bills? If you did then maybe we could chill. I don’t think you do. So, you and me are through. … ”
I can see helping your husband out. But I wouldn’t advise that a woman do it on a regular basis for a boyfriend. That’s begging to be played.
Steve: Some women like to have a spouse at home taking care of the kids and the household, but Mia’s right: Beware of con artists. You should be able to tell the difference between a guy who’s toughing it out in a bad economy and a guy who doesn’t like to work.
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