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MAN UP, FELLAS.
With Valentine’s Day arriving Monday, it’s high time to look in a mirror and take stock of what stares back. If it’s wearing a baseball cap, it better be someone younger than 30, a professional rap singer, an actor traveling incognito or a baseball coach. Sorry, but you had to be told.
On the date-ability scale, more than a few Northeastern Pennsylvania males are dipping dangerously close to Dwight Schrute-like levels, sharing traits with the beet-farming, socially inept and scarily intense salesman of “The Office” fame.
For their benefit, we offer a few tips on boosting the image and becoming … well, not manly, but maybe more grown up.
“Classical music” is different than the variety heard on the radio dial at Rock 107. Even if you can’t appreciate both, appreciate the distinction. Who knows, your significant other might be impressed if presented a couple of tickets to the Northeastern Pennsylvania Philharmonic. (More so, if one of those tickets is meant for you.)
Check your wardrobe. Camouflage should not be its primary “color.” Camo should be worn into the woods and into combat. Similarly, if your significant other asks you to “dress up” for a special occasion and you find yourself reaching for the football jersey without the ketchup stain, that’s a problem.
Speaking of football, if company comes to your home or apartment while you’re watching a game on TV, turn down the volume. (Exceptions: bowl games and playoffs. Or if the company is there specifically to see the game.)
No spitting on the sidewalk. Gross. Seriously. (Possible exception: If you’re choking on a gnat.)
On a serious note, show respect to the women and the senior citizens you encounter each day, especially those under your roof. Never mistreat a child. Or a pet. To do otherwise betrays your immaturity.
Volunteer for tasks around the house, and in the community, without being prodded. People notice. Really.
Facial hair. Proceed with caution. Just because Johnny Depp pulls it off, doesn’t mean you do.
Alcohol consumption. Proceed with extreme caution. Can’t think of anyone who pulls it off.
Flowers and candy. Presenting them to someone about whom you care won’t make up for areas in which you might be a bit deficient. Then again, it won’t hurt. And a card; don’t forget a card.
On the date-ability scale, more than a few Northeastern Pennsylvania males are dipping
dangerously close to Dwight Schrute-like levels …