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Catherine Hardwicke tries to transfer her panting pretty young things “Twilight” style to “Red Riding Hood,” a werewolf-without-the-vampires fantasy aimed at that magical PG-13 audience.
But for all the heaving bosoms, big-eyed flirtation and cool fairytale hair products, it doesn’t work.
Amanda Seyfried is Valerie, who wears the scarlet hood Grandma (Julie Christie) made for her, dodging in and out of the almost-enchanted forest around her village. For generations, a werewolf has taken livestock the frightened townsfolk offered as sacrifice. “We’ve kept the peace,” the locals say as they tie up another pig on another full moon.
Then Valerie’s sister is killed, and all bets are off. The men, including two competing for Valerie’s affection, set out to kill the wolf. The weak-kneed local priest (Lukas Haas) sends for a specialist, Father Solomon (Gary Oldman). He arrives with a team of medieval commandos. Hunting for a werewolf in the woods is a waste of time, Father Solomon intones. The wolf is in their ranks.
Solomon preaches paranoia, and Valerie looks into every face with suspicion. Seyfried plays this Red Riding as a somewhat fearless tomboy. Girlfriend keeps a knife in her knickers.
That’s handy, because the wolf might be Peter (Shiloh Fernandez), her childhood beau. Or Henry (Max Irons, son of Jeremy), the “rich” blacksmith’s son her mother (Virginia Madsen) wants her to marry. Or even her granny, whom she tells, “What big TEETH you have.” Red Riding’s dad is also Bella’s dad from “Twilight” (Billy Burke). Try to pretend that doesn’t raise brows.
Screenwriter David Leslie Johnson incorporates a few “big-bad-wolf” gags that fall flat. The dialogue is cut-and-paste “Promise me you’ll be careful” pabulum. And Hardwicke bathes her characters in the comfy glow of a glamour photo, but none of the performances pop off the screen.
Still, Seyfried and Fernandez click as a couple, and the woodsy fantasy setting is striking.
Hearing how Hardwicke was shown the door from the lucrative “Twilight” film franchise she launched makes one wish better for one of Hollywood’s few successful female filmmakers. But “Red Riding Hood” is far more grim than “Grimm,” and not nearly as much fun as it should have been.
review
What: “Red Riding Hood”
Starring: Amanda Seyfried, Gary Oldman, Julie Christie, Shiloh Fernandez, Max Irons, Virginia Madsen
Directed by: Catherine Hardwicke
Running time: 99 minutes
Rated: PG-13 for violence, creature terror, some sensuality
1/2