Click here to subscribe today or Login.
Thursday, February 03, 2000 Page: 13A
LONG BEFORE my daughter decided all sports were barbaric and inherently
pointless she played soccer. Imagine a bunch of 6- and 7-year olds running up
and down the field in a collective herd as if their uniforms were velcroed to
one another and you have a pretty clear picture of a U-8 soccer game.
For most of these children it was their first exposure to the world of
competition, their first attempt at mastering a sport and challenging
themselves in a physical sense. For most of their parents it was a joyous,
poignant sight – another milestone in their child’s tentative stretch toward
autonomy. There were, however, those few parents who failed to understand the
significance of their children’s efforts; who ranted and railed and stormed
from the sidelines while their child stood bowed and humiliated.
These parents view their children as extensions of themselves and are more
concerned with how their child’s athletic prowess either enhances or detracts
from that view.
Comments like “Don’t embarrass me” or “Make me look good out there”
serve to bolster the parent’s ego but do nothing but harm the child who must
endure them in a public forum.
How many potential young athletes have walked away from a sport they were
just beginning to love because of a parent’s abusive, thoughtless outbursts?
These parents may try to justify their behavior by pointing to the
naturally aggressive arena that is sports. It’s necessary to the game that
players be fierce competitors. A football field is not the place for timidity
or politeness unless a player wants to end up eating a mouth full of turf.
Properly channeled, aggression is healthy.
Within the context and rules of the game, aggression is appropriate. On the
sidelines, exhibited by an out-of-control parent, however, it is inexcusable.
That same out-of-control behavior is no less tolerable when it applies to
coaches. Hazleton Area football coach, John Yaccino, has been accused of
verbally and physically abusing his players as a means of disciplining them.
Whether or not these particular accusations are true, this in-your-face
philosophy is certainly nothing new.
Citing the violent nature of most sports, some coaches and parents argue
that they are simply preparing athletes for the physical and psychological
reality of the game.
A football game, for example, is nothing short of a battlefield. To be soft
is to be defeated. Or worse yet, to be injured. Denigrate them with a good
tongue-lashing or a swift kick in the rear and they will rise to the challenge
and become warriors.
All sports teach athletes how to be warriors, but they do much more than
that. At their best they build confidence, trust and a healthy competitive
drive that carries over into other areas of the athlete’s life. They teach
discipline and the internal satisfaction that comes from pushing beyond
physical and mental limitations. At their worst they breed shame, insecurity
and naked aggression that can take years to unlearn.
Those of us who have witnessed firsthand the tirades of Little League
parents gone amuck or a father berating his son for missing a basket can
attest to the discomfort that accompanies such an outburst. It’s that same
feeling you get when you see a parent discipline their child with a swift slap
to the face in the check-out line of the grocery store. It’s disbelief. It’s
shock. It’s embarrassment that we have been unwittingly made privy to such an
intensely personal scene. It’s guilt that we didn’t do anything to stop it.
There is a level of behavior both on and off the playing field that is
acceptable. How we teach our athletes is as important as what we teach them.
We can teach them the importance of competition without breaking their spirit.
We can teach them the value of hard work and discipline without sacrificing
respect.
Both parents and coaches are entrusted with understanding that difference.
The rest of us are entrusted with making certain that difference is honored
and that the bar on what is and is not acceptable behavior is not lowered any
further.
Evelyn T. Brady is volunteer president of the Board of Directors of the
Victims Resource Center and a member of the Luzerne County Commission for
Women. Her Times Leader column appears on alternate Thursdays.