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John Quigley
Sunday, February 06, 2000 Page: 7
The news from City Hall continues to be bad. Relations between the city and
its employees appear testy at best, as contracts secretly negotiated by the
previous administration have been rejected and litigated. Two snowfalls have
strained depleted equipment and manpower. The fire department is in shambles.
Layoffs loom. And the 2000 budget is nowhere in sight.
If you’ve been paying attention for the last four years, none of this
should be surprising. Stumbling over the rubble of the Fourth Reich was bound
to be a trying experience. And there are probably at least a few unexploded
bombs yet to be uncovered.
When faced with such a gloomy outlook – and the apparent legal
impossibility of municipal bankruptcy – what can concerned citizens do to help
a city down on its luck?
Let’s put on a show.
But not one of those professional wrestling extravaganzas like they stage
at the American Legion. Too violent. And too reminiscent of the Marsicano
years. How about a concert?
For years, the popular-music landscape has been littered with benefit
concerts of every stripe. LiveAid and FarmAid were events held to raise money
for worldwide famine relief and the dwindling population of American family
farmers, respectively. I believe we should follow their lead and stage
CityAid.
Like FarmAid, CityAid will be held annually, as Hazleton will be needing
financial transfusions for years to come – especially if those labor contracts
hold up. What’s more, if we mimic Farm Aid’s heavy reliance on country music –
a genre rife with catchy song titles – there’ll be limitless thematic
possibilities.
Besides, a municipal financial crisis set to polka music just wouldn’t be
as compelling. And salsa music would just make everybody nervous and demand
more police protection. Definitely not something we can afford right now.
One problem with CityAid is the availability of talent. Major acts are
unlikely to turn out. But after a quick browse on the Internet Underground
Music Archive (www.iuma.com), I found an untapped pool of talent that’s just
dying for exposure, plus an appropriate CityAid playlist.
Texas Country would open the concert with an appropriate long-distance
dedication to the man who made CityAid necessary, Mike Marsicano, with its
hit, “It’s All Over Now.”
The Renegades hit the stage next and slow things down, recalling
Marsicano-council relations with a medley of their ballads “No One Needs to
Know” and “Don’t Come Crying To Me.”
The Don’t Quit Your Day Job Players then take the spotlight with a soulful
commentary on City Hall today, “Blues Spoken Here.” City auditors Snyder and
Clemente and their on-again, off-again budget surplus will be in for a bow
when the band swings into “When the Magic Goes Away.”
Next, we’ll get back to some uptempo tunes with the lovely songstress
Jennifer Shaw and her perky audience favorite, “Chuck, the Bungee Jumping
Spider of Doom,” this one going out to the maligned Special Operations Group.
She’ll follow that up with a reprise of the Marsicano administration grievance
policy with “Why Can’t I Cry.”
Moving quickly, The Bunkhouse Boys next hit the stage and jump into their
rendition of “The Narrow Trail,” sung in tribute to the valiant snow-plowing
efforts of the depleted Hazleton Public Works Department.
Not to be outdone, The Hillbilly Hellcats will get the joint jumping with
their rollicking rockabilly standard and salute to Hazleton drivers, “Road
Rage.”
The last three acts will feature songs for Mayor Lou Barletta. The Southern
Comfort Bluegrass Band will get toes tapping with its gospel favorite, “Takes
A Worried Man.” The Mariposa Band offers sage budgetary advice with “Tug On
Whiskey” and melodious accolades with “How Well You Take the Fall.”
The Stack Jones Jamboree then closes out the first annual CityAid with a
singing prediction about Lou’s re-election hopes with that bluegrass favorite
“Once Burnt Twice Shy.”
Where to hold the concert? I’ve got that covered, too. There’s a
Woodstock-sized site just outside of town that was once proposed for a freight
airport. No one will be needing it anytime soon. Come to think of it, we could
bring back the Stack Jones Jamboree for an appropriate encore with “Dream
On.”
John Quigley was Hazleton mayor from 1988 through 1995. He is an accounting
manager at Wise foods in Berwick.