Tell Giselle: Is getting the COVID booster the right thing?

Critical decisions oftentimes must be made even when there is little information and/or conflicting opinions. An adult who has pondered whether or not to get a booster shot is a case in point with this exchange:

I decided I will take the Pfizer booster when it becomes available to me through my healthcare provider. I trust my doctor and her organization to have done extensive research that makes me feel it is the right decision.

I have let my family know I am just waiting for notification that I can come in for the booster, as I am not comfortable having it administered by a drugstore pharmacy employee. But I was recently presented with the consideration about whether or not taking the booster is even ethical, when many people around the world still don’t have any COVID immunizations available to them.

Someone I respect does not think it is ethical for some people to take it, but has not placed any pressure on me. I realize others may not be as fortunate to have an unconditionally supportive person they disagree with. Life’s opportunities are not evenly distributed, but what do you think is fair and/or reasonable?

G: There is insufficient data at this point to be fully certain that a booster shot for you, or anyone else, may not create long-term adverse effects. That same argument has been posited by a number of respected medical researchers and healthcare providers, as these newer immunizations are exactly that, quite new compared to many other vaccinations that have a more proven track record.

Still, you have made the determination you are willing to assume certain risks to your physical health, and that with this decision to take a booster it may boost your emotional health, if you are feeling it will possibly or likely bring you greater protection than if you do not take it.

The unanswered question here is of a spiritual and/or philosophical nature. These are worth taking the time to factor in, particularly with many decisions that aren’t always clear, or that may require additional expertise and information. Not knowing your specific circumstances, I would not feel it is appropriate for me to offer my 2 cents. But — generally — for those who are needing to care for others, whether it be essential workers with gainful employment or simply family members in the role of guardian, or provider for infants or youngsters – all those who feel they are in a greater risk category – it passes my spiritual test to accept a booster shot when permissible but only when someone is comfortable that taking a booster is appropriate for them.

For those who want to get the booster because it is available to them so they, for example, can get on a plane or travel abroad to continue their lifestyle, and not because they need to travel for employment or other contractual obligations, I am disinclined to give spiritual dispensation.

It is so easy to be tempted to get the booster so that our luxurious self-indulgences can be resumed as though we were living in pre-COVID days. But that mindset negates reality: In order for a successful management of this particular coronavirus, immunity and whatever personal protections are within our individual and collective choices are required.

Should you be in a position to be able to fully consider the wellbeing of others in other parts of the U.S. and world, and can decline a booster without compromising your obligations to others or to your health, consider yourself fortunate. Hopefully enough people will come to see the benefit of sacrificing for the greater good and for the welfare of others, and choose wisely.

Whether or not people opt for a booster, decline or cannot accept an immunization, most of us have the ability to tweak our lifestyles to reduce personal and collective risks and feel we are part of the solution rather than a continuation of a global problem.

Should I stay or should I go?

When it comes to sharing our views, particularly with casual friends and colleagues, you cannot always foresee if the third rail is about to be lit. This all-too common dilemma between family about attending a religious ceremony highlights the delicate balance necessary to maintain peace:

I do not want to attend the wedding of a close family friend. This has created a dust up among some in my circle, and I’d like to be able to lower the temperature, if possible, well before the RSVP has to go in the mail.

I’d like to be able to just send a wedding gift in lieu of attending, and not explain my reasons for my no-show, but my mom and a few others think I owe the bride-and-groom-to-be more than that. Do I?

G: If this comes up in conversation again, and if you are willing to do the work of listening to why your mother holds her viewpoint, that would be my first suggestion.

Listen. Don’t react.

Just listen to why she thinks this is important even if you’ve heard it all before a dozen times. At the very least you may learn something new about her. She may tell you that she thinks it is rude not to tell the couple why you can’t be at their ceremony, or she may tell you she is upset because she thinks you are being selfish by not attending. She may even tell you that we are supposed to show up for our loved ones at these major events, regardless of how we feel about them or their choices; that family comes first. She’s entitled to hold those opinions. What she is not entitled to do is to try to shame you or berate you for your choice, or insist you respond as she prefers.

Years ago I had the experience of declining the invitation to attend the wedding of a relative, an invitation that arrived several months before the actual wedding date.

When asked by the parent about my attendance, I was honest in saying that two weddings in one year was beyond my budget. I was stunned by harsh, unexpected criticism from my relative who felt I and others should prioritize our spending to be there.

Was I obligated to explain that I was budgeting for my daughter’s goal of becoming a physician, and that I had happily chosen to be the primary means of such a costly education? Not in my spiritual playbook. Had I believed, however, it would have softened the situation I would have offered it, but I had already discerned this was one instance where more discussion would not have led to peacemaking.

What I learned from that experience is sometimes the only way to move through these seemingly intractable stances is to ultimately agree to disagree, agreeably. It takes a lot of patience, and biting the tongue sometimes to do that, but it’s usually worth it.

This wedding is just one life event in a long stretch of many. Make your decision be your decision, and not one that is coerced, and you will avoid many a regret. And if you can be generous, a wedding gift is a lovely time to extend the heart, guilt-free.