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This is unfortunately an all-too-likely exchange between family members and friends:

Recently someone in my circle who is fully vaccinated, including having gotten the “booster” shot, attended an event. He learned a few days later that two of his friends who also were in attendance tested positive for COVID. There may be others from that event, that he does not yet know about, who have since tested positive. Still, he has not been tested and refuses to make the effort to go to a center for testing. He has been told the testing is free. Two, maybe three of his adult children, have suggested and even debated the point, that he be tested to be certain he is not infected. His position is he feels fine, has no symptoms, sees no need for it, despite being told he may very well be unintentionally infecting others, while he is not experiencing any symptoms.

Is there anything that would help to change his mind, other than he starts to experience symptoms and becomes ill?

G: It can be very frustrating when we are unable to convey our concerns to those we care about, particularly when we think what is actually in their best interests is dismissed. This scenario is such a moment, if you continue to believe you have the power of persuasion over someone who simply holds a different opinion and who is not being guided by your spiritual principles.

From what is known, this person has been given sufficient facts about the risks involved. He is choosing to either deny them, or ignore them out of selfish motives or ignorance of the potential danger to others — including the added burden being placed on exhausted and burned-out health care workers who treat patients suffering from all kinds of chronic and acute diseases that could have been prevented if certain personal choices had been made. Self-sabotaging one’s health goes way beyond COVID. But as to your loved one … there may be other personal reasons, including anxiety, for why he does not want to agree to be tested. He may not be prepared to discuss with you what he is experiencing. Or it may be as simple as not wanting to be proven wrong, or being told by anyone what he ought to do. Sad but true, some people simply don’t want to be shown the better way. Some people don’t like having their lack of current information exposed. Some people have tendencies of stubbornness that may never be fully understood.

What is obvious is you, and a few others, have performed a service by showing you care about his health, and you care about others that you do not know. In my playbook, you are no longer spiritually obligated to do anything else to help change his mind. What you are spiritually obligated to do is unconditionally love him, and immediately convey to him that you will remain distant from him until he either tests negative or has isolated himself for the requisite quarantine time. Do this with a calm tone and firm conviction. Then try to surrender whatever outcome results from your truth telling. We are not tasked with forcing an adult to do something they are unwilling to do, but rather we are to accept there are limitations to our ability to attain a desired goal, even when we believe or even know we are “right”.

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Summarizing a lengthy query from a 50-something male who recently changed careers exemplifies the turmoil of the unfamiliar. How best to cope when navigating new experiences can be applied to many aspects of life, not just the professional track:

I made a radical change about a month ago when I began a new job. After more than two decades working for large corporations, I jumped into a marketing position with a tiny start up. This offer was attractive because it gave me some management duties and opportunities to get out of a high-pressure job, where every day meant work of some kind. My previous jobs required constant accountability, solid deadlines, and detailed precise communication. With my new employer, nearly every scheduled meeting is a moving target. It either gets cancelled totally or delayed. I could be two minutes from the set meeting and I will get a notice that it is not happening. This almost never happened with my other work. I also have to check in to get any kind of positive feedback, unlike with my previous employers where I always knew where I stood, whether I was succeeding or had messed up.

These are just two aspects of the chaos I have been experiencing. I do not feel vulnerable like my position is in jeopardy, and the people I work with are pleasant, but my anxiety has spiked. I realize I chose to leave a conventional business system to join a well-financed start up being managed by a small team, but every day I don’t know what to expect. My anxiety has spiked. Is this normal?

G: Welcome to a new culture. It sounds like you are Dorothy who just landed in Oz. Switching careers is sort of like traveling out of state or the country. Things are not the same as where you came from, and may even seem unnatural or disturbing because they are so strange. As long as you continue to be assigned work that is satisfying and there are no major upheavals, consider that you may be in for another five months of a type of vertigo. It can take months, maybe as long as six months, to acclimate to a new role.

Why? Not only do you have to learn new skills or elevate your existing ones, you have to get to know your co-workers who live and operate at different speeds than what may be familiar to you. This is not speed dating. It takes time for various interactions to unfold in order to get a grasp of this new landscape, and to settle into a new rhythm that is less pressurized. Even your personal lifestyle has changed in that you no longer are on demand seven days a week.

Continue to utilize your previous job requirements of clear and useful communication. Do not expect your new employment culture to morph into less chaos anytime soon, or ever. Go with the flow as much as possible, while you take in new information and the unique ways of this particular business culture. Try not to judge it prematurely by constantly comparing it to the ways things were done (perhaps way better to your liking) in your previous career.

In a few months you will know if this is a healthier, more interesting and exciting world for you to inhabit, or if you are truly like Dorothy and just want to go back home. If you are willing to incorporate all the strategies for dealing with your anxiety – including good nutrition, exercise, positive social interactions, a regular sleep schedule, and counseling/medical assist if needed – you may discover that your exile from the rigidity of your taxing past career demands has actually helped you grow personally and professionally.

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Email Giselle with your question at [email protected] or send mail: Giselle Massi, P.O. Box 991, Evergreen, CO 80437. For more info go to www.gisellemassi.com

Email Giselle with your question at [email protected] or send mail: Giselle Massi, P.O. Box 991, Evergreen, CO 80437. For more info go to www.gisellemassi.com