Tell Giselle: Charity for urban beggars is a serious spiritual challenge

What is the best thing to do when I see a beggar holding a sign pleading for money and help? It is so painful for me to see so many in need. Especially when there is a child or a dog with the adult. When I am in the car with my boyfriend, it is always the same awkward moment, as we do not see this problem the same way.

G: One thing that can test a relationship to the max is money. The tests come in various sizes and forms, and the act of charity is only one of the tests we are presented with. Some people are quicker to open up their wallets than others, while some are only comfortable sharing their abundance under particular circumstances.

If your boyfriend is generous in other situations with those who are in need (not just toward you and those he cares about), then I would allow him a certain degree of dispensation. But if he displays an insensitivity or expresses a disdain for those who are less fortunate than he is, or looks down upon those wanting a handout of that kind, I would take a good hard look at the person you are involved with.

See if you can reach an understanding about why you each feel the way you do and strive for a compromise, but be careful not to be overbearing or argumentative.

In the spiritual playbook I operate from, I hold stinginess as one of the most disturbing behaviors. For when a person displays stinginess, to me they are revealing that they possess a constricted heart. It matters not to me to know how they came to have a constricted heart, as I may never have access to their inner life to fully understand the reason.

Instead, I am simply aware that they are displaying in that moment the limits to their ability. That they are deficient in compassion and empathy right then only tells me it is all they are capable of being. I trust there is a reason it became so for them, and I know it is possible they may change with new information and experience.

From what I have seen, stingy people are in sufficient enough pain that they have no capacity to get beyond their own suffering, fears, insecurities or other challenges in order to walk in passion with another’s pain.

For if they were not in the grip of their difficult problems, they would be capable of at least showing they have some awareness of another’s need, even if they were not in a position to offer charity at that moment.

After much consideration I came to my own solution for the times when I would approach an urban beggar at a stop light or intersection. From the car, as often as is possible, I roll down my window and offer items that I keep in my glove box.

These might be a protein or granola bar, but sometimes in colder weather it might be some kind of wrapped chocolate. I learned the hard way that keeping chocolate in the car in warm weather is idiotic.

I’ve even kept sandwich bags of kibble dog food and dog chews for when the urban beggar has a dog beside them. Other times I will offer money. Just depends on what I have handy and what I feel the circumstances compel me to do. Whenever I see a person in a wheel chair or with a limb missing, you can be sure they will get cash.

When there is a busker playing their instrument in front of a store, it is easy for me to throw into their tip container any coins that I might have in my pocket, having just gone through the checkout. My partner, having been a professional guitarist, will often times hand the musician a much larger bill and some praise. We realize busking is their choice for at least part of their livelihood.

They all may not be in the camp of urban beggars, but any time someone wants to offer their gift of music streetside, we want to support that artful expression of their particular generosity and talent.

There are those who will not want to give money to urban beggars as they believe it will only go to supporting a chemical dependency, whether it be drugs, alcohol or cigarettes. And that is true in far too many circumstances.

However, there are other issues that may be going on that require us to express compassion and charity, and not stinginess.

For example, I once offered food to a woman who approached me while I was seated at an outdoor restaurant. She had asked me for money but I told her I would order takeout for her. She waited for the waitress to bring the order, then

accepted it kindly from me and walked away. Within sight of my seat, only a short distance, I watched as she tossed the sack of food, uneaten, into the trash.

I was not upset. Why? Because in that moment I believed she was displaying an illness. This disease of her mind/heart prevented her from being able to offer the gift I gave to her – that she did not want – to someone else in need who would have benefited from a meal.

How could I be angry at someone with that disease of the mind/heart? Impossible.

We don’t have to be wealthy to be kind.

Check the discount shelves at your grocery stores. Often you will find a selection of protein shakes, baked goods, and even pet food and treats that are within the expiration dates. Consider keeping a stash of these non-perishable items in your car or purse.

You might encounter someone in need while you are walking on the street. If you are in a safe situation, only then should you open your purse to get the charity item. No sense in putting your own possessions and wellbeing at risk, while in the service of generosity.

But do not allow your own fears and insecurities to block your heart from these small but meaningful gestures of loving kindness.