Tell Giselle: Holiday Spending Part 2

The pressures of holiday gift giving are dominating the hearts and minds, and my inbox, so continuing with last week’s theme, how to do it better and feel better in the process …

G: It helps if some forethought is given to each and every potential recipient before any impulse buys.

For example, it won’t get you any points if you purchase something you see that you really like, and might even want to have for yourself, and assume that the recipient of that purchase will feel exactly the same way about it as you did when you were in the checkout line.

Years ago, a friend told me about a gift she received for Christmas that nearly brought her to a crisis of sorts. If my memory serves me correctly, her husband had bought her a vacuum. Now, in his mind he clearly saw the need for a new vacuum. When you factor in that his wife likely did the majority of that type of housecleaning, wahlahh, a new vacuum sure seemed to him like the ideal gift.

From her perspective it was in the league of all-time worst presents. Any present that plugs in, to her, likely represented something unromantic, or work, or a project that had nothing to do with tenderness or loving kindness.

The type of gift from one who knows you well, knows your desires, reflects that knowingness in a thoughtfulness that oozes love, and in a way that elevates the value above any actual cost.

Not surprising, that marriage did not last very long. But, like many relationships that sour, it did survive long enough for at least one of the spouses to see there was a serious mismatch of personalities, temperaments, priorities, as well as a serious disconnect in effective communication.

You can avoid these types of meltdowns by first considering why you are buying anyone anything during the holiday season. These reasons can range from office mystery gift exchanges to engagement rings. It will help if you look with fresh eyes at the person and circumstance you are in with them, and that they are in, as year to year things can abruptly change for the better or worse.

A gift for someone that you care about, who may have recently lost a spouse or partner, or who had a rough year of health, or who just gave birth, won’t be of equal value.

But if they are not gifts that reflect the kind of affection and respect you hold for that person and where they are at in life, they can be gifts that are mismatched to the circumstances, and may even be inappropriate. When that happens, those gifts carry the same discounted value and may possibly negatively affect the relationship going forward.

I know. I know. It seems like all grownups should be above these seemingly petty, materialistic irritants. But many of us are not.

Why is that?

My guess is it has something to do with pizza.

They, whomever “they” is, say that your favorite kind of pizza is the first pizza you’ve ever tasted. Think about that. Is it true for you? It sure is true for me, but that’s because my marvelous father was a pizza maker, starting his business when I was three years old. I ate many a slice made by him, and that set my high standard and preference for pizza early in life. Yes, it’s an impossible bar to match.

I think Christmas presents are sort of like your first pizza. How you remember your first or early experiences of Christmas presents often colors many years to come.

I also think it has to do with that despicable Christmas list that many of us as children were encouraged to write to Santa. Remember those lists of toys, from dolls to trains to Matchbox cars and trucks? So many of those listed items were never found under your Christmas tree.

Instead, many of us found the new supply of socks, underwear, school clothes, and other practical gifts that just never felt satisfying. What a buzzkill.

Consider this when you are buying for your grown friends, who are still kids at heart in many ways. Practical is not always practical, nor tactically correct.

I am certain I am not the only one that considers themselves the hardest to buy a gift for. I admit it, I don’t make occasions like Christmas, birthdays or anniversaries easy on anybody in my life. That’s because for decades I have felt I don’t need

anything or want anything. I’ve got more than plenty enough and give much away because I don’t want to live in excess. But still there are those who want to shower us with things that represent their adoration and appreciation. I get it. But it doesn’t solve the problem of not needing or wanting to receive these things.

What to do with someone like that in your life? Keep it simple. By simple I don’t mean basic or empty. By simple I mean uncomplicated and well within your means.

That’s why flowers make such a big statement. When not meant as a gesture of apology or to cheer someone up who is under the weather, flowers exist for the sake of appreciating the fleetingness of life’s beauty.

But flowers also represent a reflection of the beauty that the receiver brings into your life.

So, when all else fails, dazzle with flowers, or mistletoe, a poem, or anything that evokes a response from the heart, like a batch of extraordinary cookies. You won’t exchange it, get a refund for it, regift it or donate any of those, nor should you in my playbook. Just share the love.

For some of my favorites, go to VictoryLoveCookies.com