Tell Giselle: Overcoming the power of denial

Several queries from younger adults wanting to know how to be a writer opens up a New Year resolution discussion that applies to those of all ages and passions:

“How do I start?”

G: As much as the word “woke” has shaken up our culture in 2022, the phrase “asleep at the wheel” is likely to be the descriptor for what might continue in 2023, if humanity doesn’t set an alarm to wake up.

How does anyone start to do anything?

You have to begin by waking up. Literally.

In the morning we awaken to face our life or face a denial of our life. So, first start by waking up with the determination to be awake, fully awake in 2023. Remove the option of sleep walking through your mornings.

Get rid of all of the obstacles that are preventing you from waking up, and waking up vibrantly fresh. This means committing to sticking to routines that work in positive ways, and not deviating from the routine. Consistency is the master key for resetting your habits that will generate sustained energy.

You are the one who forges that unique key, that is solely made from your own desire, not from anyone else’s strength, bribes, cajoling, or badgering.

This means you’ll need to go to sleep at an appropriate hour each day of the week. Precede that sleep time by fixing all of the impediments to getting that solid night’s rest you will need to wake up with an eagerness to get started, rather than feeling the dread that it is now time to get out of bed.

These tweaks might include things like eliminating all of the late-night eating and drinking – including cutting way WAY back, or cutting out completely, caffeinated drinks and alcohol anytime during the day or night.

Yes it is true, there are many high-functioning alcoholic writers, but from what I have seen with some very talented colleagues, I think it comes at too high a price. Still, for those who are unconvinced and who think they can’t imagine right now quitting their relationship to alcohol or any recreational drugs, seriously consider the tradeoffs you are making.

Every aspect of life comes down to a risk-benefit ratio as well as the negotiation dance with one’s aspirations and abilities. If you want to achieve anything of importance to you, get real about those compromises that may serve only short-term gratification but end up cheating you out of winning the long-run race.

This will mean you also need to figure out what you want to eat, and determine whether or not each of these food choices assist you in being able to have a digestion that does not interfere with your sleep. You may be surprised to learn that some of the foods you want to eat are driving up your alertness, or slowing down your metabolism to the point that you cannot wake up feeling revved up soon after arising.

Reconsider all of these things, not just a few.

Ask yourself how much more productive you think you might be, and how greater your sense of self-worth will be in your chosen vocation – and in all other aspects of your life – if you learn to craft a life without the type of “faux” aids that are actually crutches.

Even unhealthy levels of sugar and salt can be a crutch as they can act as stimulants that ultimately deplete your energy.

Self-medicating in these ways can act like auto-correct does to one’s compositions. Over time, the more you lean on auto-correct while writing to help you out, the lazier you may become as a writer. The lazier you become as a writer, so too will your thinking skills suffer.

Because at the foundation of being a good and even marvelous writer, is possessing the ability to hold clear and focused energy for extended periods of time. Without that you will likely have ugly fits and starts, and may eventually bail on the goal of writing anything of value.

Speaking of value, this past holiday season a dear friend gave me a book that a mutual, former colleague of ours had helped write, “Too Young to Be Old” by Diane Gilman, with Jan Tuckwood.

The subtitle is “How to Stay Vibrant, Visible, and Forever in Blue Jeans.”

My friend has graciously acknowledged I look younger than my age, so this book wasn’t intended to insult me. She thought there might be something in this book I might appreciate, and after nearly 40 years of close friendship, she knows me well.

What author Gilman has to offer readers is the nudge to wake up and get out of any denial that is holding you in place, like a bad girdle. Maybe not all girdles are bad, but you get the idea.

There were surprising elements to Gilman’s story. In 2017 Gilman was diagnosed with breast cancer, forcing her to get out of her own long-standing denial. The pain and obvious deformity in one of her breasts, that had been plaguing her for a number of years, and which she denied was an actual problem, was a ridiculous response to reality she could no longer live with.

That denial cost her a double mastectomy, eleven months of recovery, and nearly her life. Years prior to that, she also had to get out of another period of denial. Her husband died of prostate cancer in 1997, and over the next five years she gained about sixty pounds. The scale at her doctor’s office, showing her pushing up against 180 pounds, wasn’t in denial.

So whether or not you want to be a successful clothing designer and Home Shopping Network sales person like Gilman (who created DG2 jeans) had been before her cancer diagnosis, or write something worthy of publication, will require you reject the absurd response to reality that I call denial.

Gilman had ample help manifesting her dream of compiling her hard-earned wisdom and success in the pages of her book. Through the skillful work of Tuckwood, she was able to convey practical ways to reignite a life at any age, but particularly those going into what she calls Act 3.

You too, as an aspiring writer, will need much help. Next week we’ll look at ways to find the right helpers. In the meantime, write those thank you notes for all the holiday gifts you were given.