Tell Giselle: A perceived insult turns problematic

“I was talking with a friend about a health issue. Nothing dire, fortunately. Sometimes when I have mentioned a story that features an alternative approach my friend tends to poo-poo it. Like intermittent fasting, which I have been trying.

“We tend to be pretty open to new medical information. This time her response to me was more dismissive, to the point of rude. Like, why I am I wasting my time on that, it seemed to me she was saying without saying it that way. But she used the word insane. I realized that I immediately took that as her saying to me “you are insane if you believe that.”

“I keep thinking about how I did not like how I felt. I would like to tell her that I don’t agree with her sometimes. I am worried that if I do that it will just open up a can of worms.

“I am still bothered about this, because I do not know what the best thing to do is. How would you handle this with a close friend? And have you tried intermittent fasting?”

G: Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing at all. Sometimes the best thing to do is to do something. Discernment is an art that develops with experience. Discernment is also a spiritual practice.

The difficulty of mastering this skill without considering the spiritual practice aspect of it, underscores in part why a conflicted, or uncertain, feeling can arise.

What I usually do is wait until I have my feelings and thoughts at a place where I know that whatever I may do or say, or not do or say, is not likely to add to the problem.

Likely. That’s the operative word.

This doesn’t mean that my action or inaction will be the ideal option, it just means that I have to be in a place where I know I am able to live with the outcome of whichever way I choose to go. Whenever I am self-assured, or else believe I will not add to or create a problem, I know that I have done my spiritual homework.

So goes the adage: the mark of a wise person considers the consequences of their actions before they act.

And sometimes those consequences mean that you will either deepen the peace or widen the discord, and you have to be able to accept either course. It is implied here, that you know you want to live in your truth as best as you can, without needlessly inflicting harm or pain to yourself or to anyone else.

Consider this: Insults are often received when they just need to be deflected or ignored.

I suspect this is an instance where your friend did not intentionally mean to insult you. What she ended up doing, however, is diminishing herself in your eyes, by not seeming to be as supportive, or as open minded, as you have considered her to be up to that point.

Erring on the side of caution is usually a reasonable way to go. You can always wait and see if her rudeness or dismissiveness continues, becoming a wedge or a threshold issue in the relationship.

We sometimes overlook the truth that time is often on our side. The passage of time will often ease the magnitude of many infractions or slights. Time can neutralize the problem by allowing more information to organically arise, and that can shift one’s perception, attitude or opinion.

When in doubt over anything, consider how you would live if this were your last day on earth. Do you think you would be spending precious minutes over this?

So, on this, I think it is best to go slowly, but go in peace. Perhaps this is nothing more than your friend just wasn’t showing her best self to you in that moment. All things considered, being angry is such a waste of energy.

As to your question about intermittent fasting … Yes, I do practice it. Not because I need to lose weight, but because research has shown, that for some people, going long stretches without eating can be beneficial.

Unless we are in a certain diminished health status, our body has the capacity to do a marvelous job of cleaning out the toxins, waste, all the gunk in us that needs elimination. The cells that are past prime, causing inflammation, or having some such deleterious effect, turn over and go bye bye. Autophagy is such a natural part of this cleaning out process. Generally, that happens when cells are deprived of nutrients, such as during fasting.

Restricting one’s eating, so that autophagy can occur, is not as difficult as it may seem, especially after you understand the value of it and how it may be of benefit to you. The upside to anything can often be a motivator, that is, if one keeps the upside in mind a good chunk of the time.

That is why having a photo of a slender you on a bathroom mirror or on the fridge, or even a pic of a fit athlete you want to emulate, can help minimize the temptation to over indulge.

Some people who are interested in increasing their health and well-being may find that restricted hours for eating can help them to maintain their weight. Others are using it to lose weight.

Some people, such as myself, just feel a whole lot better not eating a meal after 5 p.m., and not having any food before 10 a.m. That puts me solidly within the parameters of an intermittent fasting schedule. Whether or not it keeps me living longer, or fending off for a bit, the usual health complications associated with aging, only time will tell.