Click here to subscribe today or Login.
“My uncle lives alone. He has been fine up until about two years ago, when he started having health challenges every few months or so. Some are more serious than others and have put him in the hospital for a few days. He comes through but there is always a sense of when is the next thing going to happen.
“This has been a concern to his adult children. They have asked me to get involved. They know my uncle and I are good friends. I am glad they think well enough of me in that way but I am not sure I can do this, as I live out of state.
“My cousin who lives nearest to my uncle told me they have tried to persuade him to move out of his home, even offering to have him live nearby in an assisted living apartment, or else with him.
“He also told me my uncle does not feel the need, and is pleasant enough about this topic even being raised, for now. Before this turns ugly, what suggestions do you have for how I could talk to him, to help make this move happen?”
G: My response may come as a surprise, but I’ll cut to the chase with this: Unless your cousins have exhausted all other possibilities, I would stay out of this discussion for now.
What do I mean by all other possibilities?
Sometimes the best way to facilitate help is through the existing network your loved one is already dialed into.
That network usually involves a doctor or health care professional. Any one of your cousins can contact that office to discuss their concerns. With HIPAA regulations your uncle’s medical status/record is private, unless your uncle gave that permission to at least one of your cousins.
It is worth finding out if any of your cousins have that authority, or have tried to get that in writing.
Medical professionals are able to listen to the concerns, and may participate in offering guidance, or arranging for services your uncle is entitled to receive. At the least, they may be able to facilitate some positive movement with your uncle’s attitude about these changes. This may help them to decide whether further evaluation is needed, or to put a driving restriction in place, if that is applicable.
Often these professionals have the greatest influence in assisting the elderly, or one who is in declining health, to move to a more suitable living arrangement.
The other circle of support your cousins can tap into are any of those trusted folks who are in leadership positions at the church/temple/clubs where your uncle frequents. These would be professionals who are aware of your uncle’s lifestyle and health needs, and preferences. Many of these people have had experience with this dilemma and can direct your cousins, if not step in themselves. Often these places are the resource for setting up the type of support that is shared among others, so it is not a burden that falls to just one.
Why I think it is inadvisable to insert yourself into the problem-solving at this point is because your uncle likely may end up feeling like he is being piled on. That may trigger him to become more defensive and resistant.
When you do talk to your cousins about your next step, let them know of your concern. Then remind them that having an appropriate, but direct conversation with your uncle, one that builds toward a solution gradually, rather than creates bigger problems, is your goal.
You can always participate with solutions later, if you want to, after other avenues have been exhausted. Until that time arrives, you can still be involved by also suggesting to your cousins to explore enlisting the services of a care giver, who could come as often as makes sense, and get your uncle an alert or video monitoring system if that is not already set up.
Most important is to look at this challenge as an opportunity to support, and not stress, your uncle with pressures that he is either unable to see or accept.
It is not unusual for a crisis event to precipitate the type of radical change that is being suggested to your uncle. Hopefully it won’t come to that, but if all of the efforts to get your uncle in a safer living situation ends at a standstill, you and your cousins will know that you did what you could to get him the help he needs.
—
Last week’s column mentioned intermittent fasting that drew some interest. Those who want to give it a go are advised to discuss making any dietary changes with their physician. The reason for this is basic: some people may be more adversely affected by swings to their blood sugar levels. Any alteration, therefore, may create a problem for some people, rather than be the solution.
Those who are interested in changing their diet are advised to also get a complete physical that includes a blood work up. This way your doctor can spot any irregularities, that could determine whether or not intermittent fasting is the appropriate approach for you.
Having said that, many already know that overconsumption (especially overindulging sugary foods and drinks) rather than adhering to restricted hours of eating (a fast of 12-16 hours), can be a tough challenge. For those who are looking to improve their wellbeing, even cutting back on caloric intake is best done after a thorough analysis of one’s health status and nutritional needs.
There may be deficits, like B vitamins or some essential minerals like magnesium, that are not apparent without a medical workup. A person’s overall health may worsen from less consumption, instead of improving. Getting these levels right is not easy at first, but it is so worth considering try new ways to enhance your quality of life.
Email Giselle with your question at GiselleMassi@gmail.com or send mail: Giselle Massi, P.O. Box 991, Evergreen, CO 80437. For more info and to read previous columns, go to www.gisellemassi.com