Tell Giselle: Go there even when uncomfortable

One of the more persistent concerns that many will be able to relate to involves the increase of communications we receive. These are mostly texts and emails, coming from our own circle or from that six degree of separation matrix. They seem to proliferate at alarmingly increasing rates whenever there is an election cycle, hot gossipy topic or contentious popular issue.

At the risk of insulting the reader, you may be culpable of this obnoxious habit.

If you are not, then you likely have been subjected to such activity. Either way, this irritating bombardment of “news and information” can morph into a useful exercise for growing self-awareness as a means toward generating kindness, especially self-directed care.

How so?

The holiday table planning is only weeks away, and with it comes concerns about the mood that can taint the plate. These family occasions offer yet another opportunity for many of us to gorge on dyspeptic opinion even well before we are seated.

Let’s begin by looking at the state of our own behavior leading up to any travel, by examining healthy communication and our response to any unwelcome missives or conversation.

Should we tune them out, block them, should we just dump them in the trash, should we say something in response, and thereby up the ante of argumentativeness and self-righteousness?

How you answer those questions can be an insight into how to live more calmly, and also be the way to endure/survive the holidays. Especially with loved ones that you don’t see eye to eye with over most things.

I propose saying or doing nothing most of the time whenever unsure of what to say or do. I also think it wise to hesitate at least for a momentary gap in the conversational rhythm, before responding with what may come across as terse, a snark or a derogatory retort.

Even a wee small passage of time, with no action or words, can usually reveal what is the better way forward. Or else that silence can help to suddenly change the tone from that of sparring with “the enemy” to being a more diplomatic atmosphere, where one seeks to understand before forcibly trying to be understood.

I had opened my inbox and could tell by the message field that this was not an email I cared to look at then, or ever. Even though the link was sent from a new friend and someone I respect, and its author was no doubt going to make a cogent argument, I have gotten to that senior stage in life where my time is even more carefully measured. How my time is spent is now what I feel is my “earned right”, and it is a liberty that I am more attentive to conserving.

In that moment of receiving yet another link directing me to read about disturbing political and military challenges involving millions of people from all corners of the globe, I felt I needed to reconsider my choices. At 67, saying or doing nothing right then no longer seemed like the spiritual default, nor the most suitable practical approach to fixing my inbox issues.

I took the risk of perhaps crossing one of those invisible boundaries in relationships, the zone that may prompt one to feel uneasy and awkward, or that houses the potential for fomenting hurt feelings and confusion. But truth be told, truth must be told.

My response to this adult was: “To read or watch any of the commentary you’ve been sharing on the state of the world, from my playbook is to ingest spiritually incomplete energies that are counterproductive to my work. Best for me that you remove me from those group eblasts. I am sure you get what I mean. We can however connect over your positive projects whenever you come up for air.”

Not wanting to receive this kind of email does not mean I don’t want to hear from them.

Did it come as a surprise that I have not yet gotten a reply? Not really. Even though estranging myself from this person was certainly not my goal, no matter what we say or do, or don’t, contains within it the seeds of misunderstanding or incomplete understanding, or even a breach.

It also contains the opportunity for the other person to grow. Maybe not in that exact moment, but eventually.

I do consider all of these things in my exchanges.

I know that more healing and work might end up being the consequence of stating a need, desire, opinion, knowledge or even my wisdom. In this particular situation, as with many incursions into my mind, body and heart space, I opt to restrict what crosses my field. I filter out what is essential from the non-essential.

I also discern what I must have to enhance my behavior, my existence in the community, always striving for peacemaking. I consider this way of being to be a daily imperative, and it typically starts upon opening my inbox.

Email Giselle with your question at GiselleMassi@gmail.com or send mail: Giselle Massi, P.O. Box 991, Evergreen, CO 80437. For more info and to read previous columns, go to www.gisellemassi.com.