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“I want to get my husband to be healthier, especially by losing weight. He’s still handsome but is about 20 pounds more than when we married 30 years ago. He did not get fat overnight and I don’t expect him to get skinnier overnight. But I don’t want him to get even fatter.
“The few times that I have tried to push the subject of him losing weight he tells me he would love me no matter how fat I got. I always respond that I don’t believe him and I am not going to test his commitment to me that way.
“I love myself enough to keep myself healthy for me. Any new ideas about how to get him to do better?”
G: Yay for you that you are determined to be as healthy as you can be. It may or may not come easy for you, but staying within a healthy weight or degree of fitness clearly is not a simple task for your husband. No amount of cajoling or shaming is going to make it easier for him.
Assuming you’ve already made progress in supporting him to get an annual physical to rule in or out any medical issues that could be contributing to the weight gain, what might help is taking a simple first step that starts with the grocery list. The next time you are preparing to shop, finish working up the list, then show it to him when you know you have his calm attention.
Tell him you want to simplifying the meal preps and make eating even more pleasurable for the two of you.
To do this you need to plan ahead what you intend to fix.
Mention the meals you want to either add to your options, or want to change up by tweaking a few of the ingredients. Then ask him if there is anything on the list of meals that he doesn’t like to eat, or would like added to the list.
Do not mention that you want him to lose weight or get fit. The idea here is simply to get him to be more conscious and proactive about what he will eat with you.
I suggest the grocery list/menu first because I have seen many an overweight person who has asked for my guidance in getting healthy, who does not give much forethought to what they will eat. They just eat and eat. Pretty much anything at any time.
They are more likely to just put things into their mouth to satisfy either a craving or thirst, or to solve the fatigue they are feeling in the moment. Rather than wanting to fully experience the sensation of deliciousness, they have acclimated themselves over time to feeling less and less well.
They have not fully connected the dots as to why their clothes are tighter, they feel bloated, constipated, and are tired, cranky/hangry, and their joints ache.
Becoming more aware of the food choices by planning ahead may help your husband to think more clearly about why he is eating the way he does. This weekly practice of building a grocery list and menu may gradually change his attitude about the value of enhancing his eating experience with you.
More enjoyable meals, and by that I mean way more tasty, will bring a growing awareness of what actually is delicious to him. That heightened sensation may then supersede some of his habituated patterns of eating just anything. He may discover that the mindless eating for eating sake, or eating out of boredom is not worth the tradeoff to his overall sense of being.
Should this happen organically, it won’t be a big leap to the realization that taking pleasure from what one eats has a correlation to the quality and quantity of what one chooses to eat and how one feels afterward.
I increased my intake of veggies to strive for a minimum of three cups a day, either raw or cooked. This gives me sufficient nutrients as well as a high fiber intake that helps with gut health and weight control.
Veggies that can be particularly beneficial to weight control are those with lower starch content, such as: fresh green beans, bell peppers, cauliflower, broccoli, zucchini, mushrooms, celery, cucumbers, spinach, kale, arugula. Try building some of your menus with more of these. I am not saying to avoid all others, but concentrate on giving those on the above list more space on your plate.
Then when you are enjoying your meal time together you might consider posing this question to your husband, “Why do you love being you?”
He may come to realize it’s because he has you caring and sharing, not nagging.
Email Giselle with your question at GiselleMassi@gmail.com or send mail: Giselle Massi, P.O. Box 991, Evergreen, CO 80437. For more info and to read previous columns, go to www.gisellemassi.com