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What are we to do when a relative or pal seems to have wandered too far off the campgrounds of the traditional views we adhere to or resonate with? How do we tolerate or accept those changes in them without feeling like we are compromising our own values?
G: I think it is helpful to think about the changes you have seen in yourself. Some come on gradually like those extra pounds that have found a nest above and below your belly button, or the saggy neck that is giving you an appearance of a pelican.
Some changes appear to arrive as unexpectedly, and as alarmingly, as any of the military jets that streak above suburban yards. No warning, just a violation of quiet space. Most radical changes, like those planes, can disappear as quickly. When that happens, the broken peace can be restored.
But some changes are more sustained, and only time can tell what is likely to be sticking around.
It’s ideal if you can open up the space of compassion to allow for more information to emerge before you get your hackles up. You may be tempted to gossip about the changes you are observing or escalate your discomfort by initiating an intense confrontation or deep conversation with the other person.
It is often more preferable to just chill.
Reflect on your own journey of trying out new ideas, new clothes or hairstyles, diets, even new political ideas or spiritual/religious teachings. You may realize that you can identify with the need to explore. You may know what it is like to feel the urge to make tweaks that are more representative of what you are coming to realize is your best way forward in life.
If we could know in advance who we were to evolve or change into, life would be a lot less interesting. Yes, life may be more stabilizing with that foreknowledge, but it would be much like the arc of a bonsai; they are intentionally stunted, to only grow so big, and they do it in their own sweet time if they do it successfully at all. Some just die from all that nipping and cramping.
Wouldn’t it be something to write home about, so to speak, if we could see ourselves as being more accommodating and receptive to a more natural growth cycle, one that opens up the vista of possibility? Being uncomfortable with change is a lot like recognizing your shoe size has increased and not choosing to do something about it. Who of right mind wants to deform their toes and remain in pain?
Whenever we take away artificial constraints, especially those that may once have served us but are no longer enriching our compassion and understanding of life’s complexities, we get to experience broader dimensions of ourselves and others. I think life becomes way more grand with more freedom.
When we can blow up the girdles that have been making us conform to stultifying perimeters, we may discover a feeling that is a more sustained enjoyment of life, beyond what we knew existed.
But for many, that is not always an easy task. For others, it comes rather easily. Being accepting and tolerant of those who are changing before our eyes is a skill we can acquire. It starts with wondering what they are going through and what they have been learning. It can branch out to questioning if any of these changes have any positive use for them, not for us, but for them.
As long as you are feeling threatened by the changes you are seeing, it is going to be difficult for you to enjoy your relationship with them. You need to examine if you are feeling any threat, and if you are that is the time to address it as directly as possible.
Only then can you come to a determination of whether or not these changes are ones you are willing and able to incorporate into your engagement with them.
Like many readers, I have friends and relatives that I think have gone off the deep end. Heck, some of them have thought the same of me when I told them about my clairvoyant experiences and connections with several of my long-deceased relatives. And yet, many of those in my circle continue to be in my circle, even the ones I disagree with: those who religiously enjoy over-indulging in substances or have practices that defy reason, whether it be ignoring facts and adhering to wishful thinking, or worse yet, their astrological sign.
We are all to do “our thing” and I think we are destined to find our best way through life. That is, unless others succeed in oppressing us, and turn us into their bonsais.
It is true some changes may require us to step back and away. Those would be anything illegal, questionably immoral or unethical, or demonstrably dangerous. But if the changes observed are the more superficial ones, or those that simply feel disorienting to a once held view of the other person and your place in their life, I suggest you give it time to sort out.
Email Giselle with your question at GiselleMassi@gmail.com or send mail: Giselle Massi, P.O. Box 991, Evergreen, CO 80437. For more info and to read previous columns, go to www.gisellemassi.com