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Do you put a time window on an invitation to a party you are hosting, or do you just indicate, for example, to come at 7, and not even mention when your guests know they are to go home?
G: The answer to this etiquette question requires more information. So, the short answer is, it depends. Depends on what, you ask? Some considerations are: what type of party you are hosting, if you are hosting it on behalf of someone else, where it will be held, and who the guests are going to be.
If you personally know the group you are inviting, to the degree that you are on familiar terms, it may be stating the obvious and a bit of overkill to mention when your party is expected to be over. However, if you want to be sure that everyone on your guest list, and this includes friends of friends you are meeting for the first time, are not caught unaware of your needs, it is reasonable to indicate what the terms of your engagement will be.
This would also include mention of volume levels, whether the party is in a multi-level apartment building or if the party is being held outdoors with close neighbors.
These are some of the ways to minimize the occasions when you might end up looking like a hall monitor needing to keep the chaos in check, or are a buzz kill party pooper declaring that you are going to bed, hoping any stragglers make a quick exit.
A home party is most fun when it feels like a space for guests to indulge in utter relaxation. Yet it can just as easily turn into hyper distress for any host who has not made clear to guests what type of occasion they are being invited to, and what if any parking restrictions, food intolerances or child limitations are being requested.
Often a baby shower or birthday parties held during the day have a shorter window than perhaps an evening dinner party. But there may not be any set rules for some hosts, such as myself, who keeps a mi casa su casa attitude when it comes to having people over.
For example, if any of my guests wants or needs to spend the night, that’s always an option. Other hosts don’t operate that way I realize, so it is best for hosts to convey an understanding of what may or may not be permissible.
Knowing how long one should stay at a party is a skill that is wise to develop. It doesn’t take long to read a room well, in order to see how the energy is feeling, or see how it is changing. If it is comfortable and/or fun for you, just be aware that it is easy, especially for those imbibing recreational intoxicants, to stay way longer than might be smart or welcome.
This is similar to some people’s relationship to their jobs. For a good many professionals who enjoy, and even love, their positions of seniority, their job is their party. Some don’t know when enough is enough.
This may be because they have acclimated themselves to certain comforts that come with such status. But often enough it is just because there is an intoxicating power or authority that often comes with familiarity and long engagement in any given profession.
No doubt we all have seen folks who have missed the signs that they have overstayed their welcome. Whether it be at festive celebrations, or in corporations, the military, or the academy, there are elected and unelected people in important positions who comport themselves as if they were spectacularly successful entertainers who cannot leave the spotlight.
It is particularly grating to see any person who is unwilling to let younger generations have their seat at the negotiating table, news anchor desks, or the stage.
When intrenched hangers-on are shown the door or the proverbial pink slip, they may become dismayed or indignant. They may try even harder to hold onto their status or position, and become even more unappealing as role models.
I see this problem of overstaying any place, position or job as being a candidate for the “eighth” deadly sin.
It’s one of those temptations that I think diminishes a person, as they lose a grip on retaining their dignity and being well-regarded. Not knowing when to leave certainly makes one vulnerable to legit criticism and a loss of good will.
Work or play can be the best party you’ve known, that is if you know when to call it a night.
Email Giselle with your question at GiselleMassi@gmail.com or send mail: Giselle Massi, P.O. Box 991, Evergreen, CO 80437. For more info and to read previous columns, go to www.gisellemassi.com