Tell Giselle: Accepting and Forgiving Part 2

My readers know I responded to a question last week. I indicated I would follow up by providing a sample note. This tender missive has the potential to reset your emotional life, and possibly many others too.

If you fix your mistakes as you go, that means doing it with sincerity, you effectively take your spiritual restoration to the next level. Those who are in any type of fractured relationship can refine and personalize my words. The goal is for you to take accountability for the missteps that contributed to the break.

No matter if your gesture falls on blind eyes and deaf ears. Begin it like any other letter: Dear So and So,

Express your forgiveness of each other, particularly for the times you both failed to be your highest best expression of unconditional love. (Here you are better off not specifying each and every violation.)

If relevant, thank your ex-partner for the birth of your awesome child (or children). State your hope, as well as your commitment, for shared parenting experiences that will bring out the best in all of you.

Conclude with blessings for their wellbeing and peace. Make a print or digital copy for yourself and send it.

If you are a parent, show the note to the children when the time is appropriate, when they are significantly older and can better appreciate how much you have tried to fix your mistakes. You will be teaching them how they can do that (they’ll need this skill), and you will cultivate the heart soil of lovingkindness that heals even the deepest wounds.

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An agonizing issue couples and parents know about are the endless challenges or unexpected arguments that organically arise from opposing opinions or habits. Often these butt-heading confrontations emerge from different life experiences, or from changing needs, desires, ignorance and fear.

Do you also know a young parent, like I have advised, who may remain conflicted about the vaccine schedule? Choosing a school that appears to offer some flexibility and exemptions, or home schooling is complicated. What do I think is best?

G: Fear of not making the right decision, or the best decision, or a decision with unintended consequences, is something we all have to come to terms with, regardless of parenting status.

To overcome or mitigate our fear requires solid information. Dissect or analyze whether the fear is unfounded or not. Explore ways to establish a healthier response to legit concerns.

Devastating life-damaging side effects are known with some of our most necessary medications, including cancer drugs, statins, and life/health-saving vaccines. The risk-benefit ratio of any medication or treatment, whether it be over the counter, via prescription or under the knife or laser, is to be considered carefully.

Before any significant medical decision, get at least two opinions from physicians you trust. If entertaining home schooling (my bias, I cannot imagine), discuss it with educational and medical professionals as that path comes with costly trade-offs. Some you may not even know about … like treatment side effects

This policy applies to rad diets, nutritional supplements and vaccinations. Speaking from experience, in the early ’80s when my toddler was “due” for the DPT shot, my pediatrician advised me not to give it to her. I was not vaccine-adverse, but he had been learning about neurological side effects from the newer 3-in-1 variation. He said we could opt for just the DT part, and wait until more data was evaluated.

The news was totally unexpected. Rather than being fearful, I felt empowered by his knowledge, as I could heed his advice and still protect her. Not long after that we learned of the myriad cases of brain disorders reported after the administration of that DPT. I couldn’t help but feel we dodged a killer bullet.

Many cases and lawsuits led to the creation in 1986 of the U.S. National Childhood Vaccine Injury Act. Past coverage on this is readily available.

Wait there’s more. He told me about the rare risks with the polio vaccine, which was also required for my toddler. It was a “live” vaccine that could, and had, actually caused polio. I asked if there was an option. He said that in Canada they had what was called a “killed” version of the polio vaccine, that could not cause polio. It required 3 doses. We did not want to take any risks, however tiny, so he had it shipped in for her.

In 2000 that “live” polio vaccine, too, was discontinued in the U.S. and replaced with the “killed” type Canada offered.

This astute pediatrician was on top of developing medical literature and actionable information. His presented me with the law of informed consent long before I even knew that it existed.

Fortunately, I was comfortable asking questions of those with expertise or in “authority”. Thus began my practice of spacing out the vaccination schedule, long before this concept became popularized by some celebrities and pediatricians. That might be the earliest, critically-important example of my own successful advocacy.

Accurate information is powerful. Even “inaccurate anything” (politics included) can be a self-sabotaging path, as it generates unwarranted, debilitating, longstanding distrust and fear.

Information evolves. What we may have thought made sense at the time, perhaps even home schooling or rejecting injections, sometimes does turn out to be wrong, and thus, it is we who own it. Keep an open mind and know the options.