Tell Giselle: Post Graduation Directions

“What suggestions can you give to a graduating senior, high school, who doesn’t have a clue what they want to study or do for a living. How do I motivate him to want more than to just get by? He is bright but distracted.”

G: I’ve been asked this many times by parents as well as by those looking for “their purpose” or to make an early mid-life career change. You can consider starting a conversation with him about the long arc of life. Tell him much of one’s fulfillment comes from applying oneself to challenging tasks or goals, enjoying making progress in one’s skills and abilities.

I’ve seen many people struggle because, unlike your graduate who has no primary interest at this point, they are unable to focus and commit to one path because they have so many areas of interest and/or natural talents. They are curious about practically everything. The inability to pick one or two, and ride that toward a level of mastery through practice and discipline, often depletes one’s confidence to the point that it’s easy to believe one will never amount to anything.

Not everyone finds their calling like I did while in grade school. Or like my daughter who, since the age of five, wanted to become a doctor, and made her desire come true. I think a vast number of people are like bobbling head dolls, springing one way and the other in a consistent rhythm of what I call the “maybes”. Lots of motion but no movement. Stuck on a dashboard on a proverbial drive to nowhere outstanding.

From the outset they are unconvinced that whatever they choose will be the perfectly right path, so they tell themselves that they can “maybe” try this thing, and if that doesn’t feel right or work out great, “maybe” they will try something else later. They’ll then repeat that cycle of skimming the surface of any interest or current fascination, often lured away by the “possibility” of something better.

What may help your graduate is a dose of wisdom, such as what I received from several mentors and my father. You may not realize how desperate your graduate is for guidance. Don’t hold back. Try offering it in gentle tones of support. Then back that up with the resources he will need.

You can share any of this as you help him to contemplate what may be his unspoken passions:

My father taught me, “Our purpose comes to life as our wholeness, through knowledge with feeling, and action.”

There is a Hassidic teaching that expresses quite eloquently this idea. Essentially it says that every human being possesses a distinct truth. In their lifetime, a person is to give birth to this.

These words are among those I wrote in my father’s memoir, “We are Here for a Purpose: HOW TO FIND YOURS.” His teaching about passion is universal. It is applicable to teens as well as those looking for that deeper sense of doing something that may be more aligned with their identity.

“People are being taught to follow their passions and dreams to bring meaning, completion and happiness to their lives,” my father says. “Many people indulge themselves with those passions and do experience varying degrees of fulfillment and satisfaction depending on how much they surrender themselves to those passions.

“Passion makes life meaningful and adds richness. But finding and practicing one’s purpose, giving birth to one’s particular truth, creates a sustaining wholeness that has no substitute.”

Feeling pressured by others into pursuing or following your passion or dream before you are fully prepared for the work and commitment it requires, is problematic. The consequences of doing that can be unnecessary complications, setbacks and disappointments.

The popular pitches to do only the work you love and the money will flow, or to follow your bliss, may distract and delay people from realizing their purpose, he says.

“Purpose is not to be confused with profit,” my father says. “Anything you do for employment can be an expression of your purpose, but not everything you do for your purpose will have a connection to monetary gain.”

If you find yourself returning to thoughts of what you can do to make a living, a profit, as opposed to what you can do to bring authenticity to your present situation, my father says you are missing the mark of purpose.

A time to reassess what is really going on in your life is when you find yourself pursuing a passion or dream because it is a vehicle for making money.

Speaking of vehicle, a driver’s license opens up many opportunities. Expand those options by offering up the gift of helping him attain a commercial license.

Certainly the pressure of making money is often part of the problem. If you are in a position to take that off the table, consider suggesting to your teen to put in some time volunteering. This will quickly get him out of himself and into a wider world of need.

Animal shelters are always welcoming help. Introduce him to the variety of the trades, and see if the concept of building or repairing things makes an impression. Habitat For Humanity can always use some extra hands.

What you want to do is show him opportunities to find out who he is and what matters to him. Sure, it is a challenge to pry some unmotivated folks away from screens, videos and gaming, but it is possible. There is always something more alluring to pivot toward.