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“I was recently invited to have lunch with an acquaintance I have not seen in quite a while. As far as I can tell, this is not for a special occasion, like a birthday. Even before I agree to a time and place, I am already wondering whether or not I should suggest a list of places I prefer.
“I am not suffering from anything like a peanut allergy that really does restrict many options. I simply do not want to eat at just any type of restaurant, especially a place that I am not familiar with.
“Is there a tactful way to convey I have concerns about where we do eat so I do not create an awkward scene?”
G: I do think there are always tactful approaches to trying to be simultaneously considerate of others and kind to ourselves. That does not mean these efforts will create the response we are seeking; sometimes the best of intentions just gets lost and requires cleanup.
How you present your preferred list of establishments will help determine whether or not you end up having a delightful meal together. It is good that you are sensitive about selecting an appropriate place, and what it is you want out of your time together.
I tend to think more information, more communication, is better than insufficient details, however, there is an art to the finest social graces. Arriving at a happy balance is not always easy.
Instead of giving a discourse on why you have your particular issues, with this that or the other things about various restaurants, you can keep it simple and get straight to where you want to go.
If you have a go-to spot, declare this is where you would want to meet them. If you do not have such a spot, you could start by saying you would like to suggest a list of several places you know to have quality food, at a reasonable price point.
Then indicate the type of food and the range of cost. It would be helpful to share their website so your friend can look up their menu and see where they are located.
Offer them to do likewise, and see if there is any overlap. It should help narrow the field of options quickly, and if you do select a place from both lists you would then be able to share the responsibility for the meal ending up being either great or less than ideal.
I think it is always smart when you set any such dates that you indicate your own intention of who will be paying for what. Do not assume anything. If you are going to have separate checks, or if you want to agree that they can pick up the tab but you will cover the tip or any beverages, find a comfortable agreement well before the server stretches out their hand trying to guess to whom it is to be handed.
Preventing the awkward moment of wondering who is paying the bill, or how much of the bill, helps make for a positive/memorable outing. So does bringing lively conversation that generates laughter.
This advice can get swiped off the table if you are to meet with a person who you know is a foodie, i.e. someone who prioritizes taste, appearance, quality, originality, setting and other aspects above simply fulfilling the need for bodily nourishment alone.
In that case, you might want to flip the script to see if they have any preferences to suggest, and see if their ideas will entice you to get out of your box of usual constraints.
Foodies often make for the most delightful times as they tend to bring our attention to the tiniest of details. Their observations and opinions provide an opportunity for a deeper appreciation and understanding of the whole industry of food and libations, and the challenges that are facing the purveyors of superb ingredients and best practices.
Too much detail, however, can make or break a successful dining experience, just like it can with any conversation or lecture. Still, I have found that talking about the food we are eating, while we are eating, contemplating, or preparing it like we often do at Thanksgiving, helps highlight our commonalities and increases the sense of intimacy.
Email Giselle with your question at GiselleMassi@gmail.com or send mail: Giselle Massi, P.O. Box 991, Evergreen, CO 80437. For more info and to read previous columns, go to www.gisellemassi.com
Email Giselle with your question at GiselleMassi@gmail.com or send mail: Giselle Massi, P.O. Box 991, Evergreen, CO 80437. For more info and to read previous columns, go to www.gisellemassi.com.