Tell Giselle: Open letter from Giselle

The first in a series of my open letters that will occasionally run in this space.

Dear Cheryl,

I’ve been asked “What do you think Cheryl Hines ought to do over the discovery her husband likely has been in a different sort of ‘infidelity’?”

So, Cheryl, this has given me an opportunity to look at a common predicament. Sadly, it is the plight of many women and men who are reeling from an unexpected whack to their heart and psyche. And we know these shocks are not just from romantic relationships. I write from a spiritual vantage point, as someone who has been similarly “emotionally” jolted to the core by revelations, and who has been a co-creator of dramatic upheavals involving tender hearts.

Like countless fans of yours, I am saddened that you too have been blindsided, or so it appears to those of us on the outside. Respectfully, have you considered, I hope you have, what your response so far says to women in love?

I direct this toward women because I am highlighting your husband’s apparent questionable involvement with reporter Olivia Nuzzi, and that several other women have made claims in the public sphere. One wonders, are there others yet to be revealed?

I recognize you did not ask me, and I am in no position, to advise you on whether or not to stay in your relationship. However, my open letter may be of some help to many who are in, or will be going through, similar processes. I hope everyone takes time to think about the example that is gradually unfolding … one that is far reaching.

Openly acknowledging the apparent sordid developments in your personal lives – that brings even greater scrutiny to the consideration of trustworthiness and integrity in any political campaign – may actually let at least one elephant now in the room find the rescue shelter named Truth.

This most recent “unwelcome” truth may in fact set you, and a whole bunch of other women, free.

Many who admire your professional work and humor, Cheryl, find it nearly impossible to see who the joke is on, or any joke. The “who knew what when”, and who was the “last to know” questions might remain eternal, even if you do go public or someone writes a tell-all book. But, being on the outside, maybe you were not the last to know?

It is true, many “betrayed” actually do know, or maybe do not perceive themselves as “betrayed”, or if they do, somehow in their world they find a reconciliation that seems to work for them. At least for a while. I am motivated to write to you, out of the hope you will become a font of wisdom in this area, at some point.

How so? By sharing what you discover about boundaries, that many women might consider forming, or reinforcing, as they start or reboot their own romances or marriages. We seek guideposts for what is and is not permissible, acceptable, and/or reasonable and want to enhance our mind and heart in passionate embraces, but not at the expense of sacrificing dignity.

Your compassionate and loving next steps, whether you choose to work on, and try to repair anything that might require it, will be considered by women, worldwide. Seems like a lot of unfair pressure, but I view it this way: if all of us remained mindful that we are influencing countless others by our own behavior, it could revolutionize peacemaking.

For me “next steps” means discussing this truth: We will make at least one heartbreaking/life-altering mistake, whether we ever become aware we made it or not. That many of us are incapable of realizing the magnitude of our misstep while doing it is part of what I find so intriguing and confounding.

We don’t know what we don’t know a good chunk of the day, and often learn through our pain-inducing mistakes. I sure hope that is the case, as you both come to terms with this public “embarrassment”, if that is even the appropriate category for this public figure/celebrity OMG.

Any “next graceful step” includes forgiveness. It’s the center of every spiritual tradition worth studying. I consider it the whole shebang of healing and moving forward. Forgiveness doesn’t mean tolerating/putting up with the intolerable or indefensible. The choice to forgive, right at the impact of injury or shortly after it, helps us see our own imperfect footprints.

By standing in another’s shoes, however broken our hearts, we can soften our heart sooner and anger may subside quicker. Press deeply into what may feel like a tight-fitting shoe of forgiveness while you still hurt over any detail and you may then see we are all in a struggle against making mistakes that cause ourselves and others deep, lasting regret.

It is a way forward, that is not only “getting us through it”, but transcendent, too. Practicing forgiveness, Cheryl, does not mean we must stay with anyone hurting us, but I know firsthand it does restore laughter.

Email Giselle with your question at GiselleMassi@gmail.com or send mail: Giselle Massi, P.O. Box 991, Evergreen, CO 80437. For more info and to read previous columns, go to www.gisellemassi.com.