Tell Giselle: Preparing without panic

A young senior in pretty good health wants to know how to open up their social network so they can develop some relationships where they will have more support as they age or become frail.

G: First things first… are you sure you must stay where you are?

I’ve covered some of this in previous columns but it’s worth another review. Many of us will likely go through stages where we are living with a limited, or non-existent “intimate” support network. What makes this a large challenge has less to do with loneliness from isolation, and way more to do with what may happen during natural disasters and health or employment crises.

If friends and relatives that you could, or once did, lean on are not nearby, or not close enough to be of real, consistent help, it is often a social service that may fill in the gap. But not perfectly. I would guess no one is thrilled to have to depend upon or wait for groups like Meals on Wheels to show up, and they may not even be available in certain areas.

Where to move to, whether or not one should move, are difficult considerations because there are so many aspects to these decisions that are complex and not always so easy to sort out. For example, if you decide it is best to move out of state, and you are still capable of driving safely, there’s the issue of getting a new driver’s license that may or may not involve a written test and eye exam.

Then there are health considerations that often dictate proximity to an appropriate hospital or urgent care facility. Some hospitals may be out of network. Should you require elective surgeries, that detail can add a sizeable additional medical cost.

Depending on where one lives, there could be higher premiums for cars, houses, and insuring personal possessions. Some states have limited coverage for certain policies that we once took for granted would be available to us. If you can get coverage, these premium increases may be significant enough to dissuade you from relocating. You’ve got to do your due diligence on all of these variables.

If you cannot remain where you are, you may be hampered with having accumulated things that you would rather not part with. Here is where moving or downsizing takes on a particularly unique emotional toll. One friend who moved out of state for retirement, and who was faced with a severe downsize of living space, was worked up over getting rid of an empty beer can collection. I am not making that up.

If you are not used to moving frequently, for job changes let’s say, these kinds of heart hits will come in all types and sizes, yes as small as beer cans. They can, no pun intended, crush you into a sustained panic.

So, let’s say you’ve decided, all things considered, you want/must/need to stay put. Then what is a proper way to secure your current and future needs for support?

Get involved with several organizations that would value you. Head to the school food backpack groups, those people who provide meals for low-income students so they have food to carry them through the weekend. Stock their shelves yourself with supplies by going to the stores, or show up on the day they fill the backpacks where you’ll meet kindred spirits.

If you cannot run the errands, see if you can help with scheduling, phone work or any of the other office details that are part of their operation or at other donation centers, including pet shelters.

Check out the library and see what volunteer opportunities are there, such as reading time. Inquire about what they have scheduled for youngsters. Librarians are also a great resource for understanding the needs in the community. You’ll open yourself up to loving, gentle spirits who know some of the ins and outs of networking.

If you do not have mobility issues, consider hospice work. I found the training required was some of the best time I ever spent in a classroom.

Even if you do have mobility issues, getting some exercise may set you on a better course for aging well. Join a walking club, or start one yourself. Same with exercising your brain; Join a book club in person or online.

The key here is to get out of your home and step into a life that is waiting for you to resolve a problem, and you will meet others who want to learn from your priceless wisdom. To do this may mean you have to push past any social anxiety. That is possible to do if you replace any “thought” tensions with the admission that your goodness matters.

There are people who want to know you, and who need your help now about as much, or more, than you may ever end up needing them.

Be open to sharing your circumstances with those who you become comfortable with, and you feel have earned your trust. Speaking of trust, open up to your primary care physician. Let them know of your interest in widening your support connections. They rely on social workers who can put you in touch with those best able to meet you where you are. They can guide you away from panicking and into preparedness for optimal happiness.

Email Giselle with your question at GiselleMassi@gmail.com or send mail: Giselle Massi, P.O. Box 991, Evergreen, CO 80437. For more info and to read previous columns, go to www.gisellemassi.com