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“Now that the voting is behind us, I am hoping it may be safer to talk about politics with my family who tend to not see eye to eye on some of the basics. I’m thinking of Thanksgiving. What is a good response if someone asks me who I voted for?
“And I’m curious, why did you not write about the campaigns? Did you not have anyone asking your opinion about the candidates or their positions?”
G: This space focuses on best practices for how to resolve interpersonal conflicts, by trying to improve communication and deepen our understanding of one another’s circumstances. I emphasize that forgiveness and peacemaking are a lifelong process that begins with each of us.
Some get on with that process of spiritual maturation sooner than others.
Many more just seem to thrive in constant discord or sporadic unhappiness. The political dramas have just exacerbated those emotions. For these folks, their response to erratic upheavals can hold them back from making progress in how they overcome challenges or disagreements. Grace and forbearance may also be lost on them.
I’ve seen that most often it is spontaneous, inappropriate judgments, due to a lack of self-awareness and information, that prevent people from displaying their best selves. I had to note this default setting in myself before I could make progress in dropping my frustration over what is usually just “small stuff.”
Instead of wising up on the first go-round, we keep making maladjustments, whether it be in attitude or behavior. What results is a level of discomfort that looks as if we are hauling around grievances the size of a piano, that we’ve actually strapped to our own waist.
We do this until we recognize we are our own worst caregiver.
Regarding how to handle Thanksgiving, I think it goes back to surrounding yourself with people who are not going to get in your face. If you cannot avoid attending a dinner with a mixed gathering of what I call the clan of “disgruntleds”, then try not to be seated anywhere near them.
If that plan fails, I think it is acceptable to essentially do the “eat and see ya gotta run.”
If you happen to be hosting the gathering, you get to announce as each guest or family member arrives that this is a politics-free zone. And whoever violates that rule gets thrown off the island. No soup for you. Say this with levity.
Well before Hilary lost, I had been asked by people I do not know, and by those closest to me, what my stance is on several candidates and issues. I have responded privately, with the exception of some of my Facebook posts and some published opinion writing.
I emphasize that I tend to look at a person’s kindness meter, what I regard as their commitment to protecting the vulnerable: children, women, men, animals, the environment and all who suffer poverty, disease and abuse.
In Colorado I voted for a measure to ban certain animal hunts as the law on the books had permitted a type of cruelty that I could not abide. I also voted to restore women’s autonomy over their own bodies.
Most people do not come to my column or seek my private counsel because they want advice about politics. For the few who have, it has usually been wrapped within the context of other concerns such as a spouse or partner, or child, who has somehow turned into some sort of fanatic or an ignoramus. I know someone whose partner was dealing with a close relative who had morphed into a “flat earther.”
My role as I see it is to focus on the types of problems or challenges that are, at the root, connected to how we mistreat one another, getting to the core of any misunderstanding or miscommunication, and then moving to a place of deeper understanding and hopefully more compassion for one another.
Now that we are on the other side of the vote counts, I do not think this is the time to gloat, nor is it a time to overly celebrate the advances for any group’s agenda or ideology.
From my spiritual playbook, every day we are to surround ourselves with loving kindness, first generating it internally and then spreading it indulgently on those who share our space and table. That makes every day a time of giving thanks to one another and for the love we feel.
When I’m asked during our holiday dinner what I am grateful for, it will not be that the votes are all tabulated. I am first and foremost thankful we got through it. I don’t worry about anything ever. Just as certain as I am there will be canned cranberry being served at my table, I know we will get through whatever comes after.
Email Giselle with your question at GiselleMassi@gmail.com or send mail: Giselle Massi, P.O. Box 991, Evergreen, CO 80437. For more info and to read previous columns, go to www.gisellemassi.com
Email Giselle with your question at GiselleMassi@gmail.com or send mail: Giselle Massi, P.O. Box 991, Evergreen, CO 80437. For more info and to read previous columns, go to www.gisellemassi.com.