Bill O’Boyle

Bill O’Boyle

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WILKES-BARRE — It was 4:45 a.m. Friday morning when my house phone rang.

Because my house is so quiet, I heard the phone ringing even though it was upstairs away from me in my deep sleep on my recliner a floor below.

When I looked at my cell phone to check the time, I was shocked that my house phone was ringing at 4:45 a.m.

Who the heck would be calling me at that time. And why?

As I struggled to wake up, I could hear a voice leaving me a message, so I decided to walk upstairs to see what this was all about.

Well, apparently, I have won $6.5 million in the Publishers’s Clearing House Sweepstakes!

And, I also apparently will receive an additional $7,500 per month for life!

And, get this, they are apparently throwing in a brand new Mercedes Benz SUV!

However, as I listened to the voice message informing me of my new found fortune, I heard the voice say “press 1 now to claim your prizes.”

Wait. What?

When I frantically pressed 1 over and over, I realized that this function would not work via voice message. What was I to do?

Well, first thing later Friday morning, I called Publisher’s Clearing House to inquire about my new found wealth. After several transfers, I finally did get to talk to a real human being who, by the way, chuckled a bit. What’s so funny?

This person promised to reach out to the Publisher’s Clearing House corporate bigwigs and have the appropriate person call me forthwith.

I anxiously await that call.

It hasn’t come as yet.

I’m starting to think that this might have been some sort of a scam!

Ya think?

As I continue to wait for that call, a few questions linger.

Why in heck would this phone call be placed at 4:45 a.m.?

How is this possible? Doesn’t Publisher’s Clearing House have some control?

Has PCH contacted law enforcement, like the state attorney general, to look into this?

I tried to get an answer from our attorney general, Josh Shapiro, but that return call has not come either.

And I think Shapiro is considering a run for governor next year.

As I wait for answers to either confirm this early morning scam call, or a $6.5 million check, I have again begun dreaming about how I would spend some of this prize money.

My first purchase would be that home overlooking Lake Como in Italy, where I would ponder what else I would spend the money on — much would go to special charities, of course.

I also would adopt every single homeless dog and cat and provide a good home for all. Too many of our faithful furry pals are waiting in some shelter for one of us to come and get them and take them home.

My church would also get a good chunk. Maybe we could install reclining seats instead of those wooden pews? I would leave that up to my pastor, or the bishop, or maybe I could get a meeting with Pope Francis to discuss it.

Suddenly being one of the richest people in the world would not change me at all. In fact, it should make me a better me. I would travel extensively — Liverpool, England, Paris again and Egypt and the Holy Land of Israel would be at the top of that list.

I’d probably buy a new fancy car, or boat. Join a country club. Golf all year round. Visit every Major League Baseball park or NFL stadium. Get a new wardrobe. Eat lobster and steak every night.

I’m sure some of this would get boring, so I would make plenty of time to help those who need help — the homeless, kids with disabilities, those unadopted dogs and cats. Adopt a family for Christmas. Hell, adopt a neighborhood or a community.

And I am certain that somehow, and I don’t know how, certain “friends” of mine will know almost before I do. I might even get a date.

I hope that I would not be a complete idiot if the $6.5 million arrives and the check clears.

But let’s be real here. I know that Publishers Clearing House notifies their big winners either by certified mail or by having the PCH Prize Patrol show up at the winner’s doorstep — I know because I’ve witnessed it right here in Wilkes-Barre a few years ago. PCH does not notify big winners by telephone, email or bulk mail.

So I am left to dream once again.

I must return to my villa on Lake Como and watch the Yankees, or NCIS, or Leave It To Beaver, or Two and a Half Men or Law & Order on my movie-screen TV in my gigantic, luxurious man cave.

Until I get the check, you can find me in my recliner, watching my big screen TV and waiting for the PCH Prize Patrol to ring my doorbell.

Reach Bill O’Boyle at 570-991-6118 or on Twitter @TLBillOBoyle, or email at [email protected].