Review: Reaper’s Revenge is equal parts polished, petrifying and perfect

Reaper’s Revenge was one of the best haunted attractions we visited for two years running. - Reaper's Revenge | For Times Leader

Set on 60 acres, Reaper’s Revenge is quite possibly the best haunted attraction we’ve ever visited.

Upon your arrival here, you’ll need to sign a waiver saying the attraction isn’t responsible for numerous things that may happen to you during your visit. That in itself is scary enough to make you think twice about hopping on the “Haunted Hayride.” But curiosity gets the better of you, and you proceed anyway.

A quick word of advice: When they offer you a glow necklace if you don’t want to be touched by actors, take it! Then wrap it around your neck and check every 30 seconds to make sure it’s still there. If you don’t, it’s guaranteed you’ll be touched, poked, caressed and grabbed throughout your entire 90-minute experience.

“Haunted Hayride” is impressive from the second your ride takes off. You’re greeted by the Reaper (and his giant sickle) as he stands atop the entrance of a foreboding stone structure. He speaks to you in some sort of Druid-ish dialect before four, intensely hot flame throwers fire up and the doors to the structure open.

Like we said, impressive.

Warning: If the movie “The Ring” freaked you out, even just a little bit, you’ll probably need to have a defibrillator on stand-by. The ride stops at a television in a tree and starts playing scenes from the movie. The surround sound is amazing. It seems like there are speakers in every inch of this attraction and your senses are being assaulted. After about 30 seconds of the movie is shown, the ride moves on, but stops again. This time in front of a stone well. (Spoiler alert: Pull out those defibrillator paddles here. The girl with the long dark hair and white dress crawls out of the well and onto the hayride! She is beyond creepy. Like, to the point where you’re uncomfortable because of the way she’s crawling around the wagon and contorting herself. Without a doubt, you’re emotionally exhausted after five minutes.)

There are numerous different sections to the hayride and The Jack Skellington-esque portion of the hayride is just awesome to look at. The attention to detail throughout the entire attractions is amazing.

Next up are zombies, and they’re fantastic! The makeup and the actors are phenomenal, and so are their dancing skills. Yes, dancing skills. The pacing of the ride is amazing, as well. At no point do the pitstops overlap each other or distract you from what you’re supposed to be experiencing. This ride is polished, petrifying and perfect.

After the hayride, you’re dropped off at “Lost Carnival,” where actors have mastered being clinically insane down to a science. They don’t want you to leave (ever) and look like something that came out of the mind of Rob Zombie.

Deranged and demented don’t even begin to describe what you’ll experience here.

“Pitch Black” is an indoor maze that’s exactly as described — pitch black. You have to feel your way through narrow corridors that shrink in size and feature wet, slimy walls. And, while you’re doing this, you’re being tortured, tormented and touched by, presumably, human beings. But we can’t be sure, since we couldn’t see anything.

The post-apocalyptic wasteland that is “Sector 13” also is well done. You are in a facility that is containing — and experimenting on — mutants after a bio-nuclear attack. If you’re not careful, you’ll be one of the next specimens.

It’s hard to sum up our experience at Reaper’s Revenge without repeating the word “perfect” over and over. But it really is the most perfect place to experience the thrills of the Halloween season. It’s equally perfect for anyone who is easy scared as it is that guy everyone knows who claims he never gets scared by anything.

If you only go to one haunted attraction this year, make it Reaper’s Revenge.

Rating: 5 Coffins out of 5

Reaper’s Revenge was one of the best haunted attractions we visited for two years running.
https://www.timesleader.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/clowns2.jpgReaper’s Revenge was one of the best haunted attractions we visited for two years running. Reaper’s Revenge | For Times Leader

Reaper’s Revenge

Address: 460 Green Grove Road, Olyphant, PA

Details: reapersrevenge.net or 570-253-4746

Attractions: Haunted Hayride, Lost Carnival, Pitch Black, Sector 13

Review date: September 18, 2015 (opening day)

Reviewers: Sandy Tomcho, George Spohr, Sarah Haase, Jeric Foulds