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Hello, this is 911. What is your emergency?
Caller: I need an ambulance at my home at (house number, street name) in the Miners Mills section of Wilkes-Barre.
911 dispatcher: Is that Wilkes-Barre or Wilkes-Barre Township? Caller: Why do you ask me that? There is no Miners Mills in Wilkes-Barre Township. Dispatcher: I’ve been instructed to ask that question. Caller: But it delays the response. Tell you what, I’ll make it easy for you. Do you know where the Wyoming Valley Mall is? Dispatcher: Of course, the big mall here in Wilkes-Barre. Caller: Good! Even though the mall is in Wilkes-Barre Township, at least we’re getting closer. Now send the emergency responders via Kidder Street past the mall and down the hill to the Woodlands. You know where that is, right? Dispatcher: I go there all the time.
Caller: Now why did I suspect that? Good! Now have them pull into the Woodlands parking lot at the traffic light and turn around and exit the lot at the traffic light and drive straight across Route 315 and onto Laird Street.
Dispatcher: Is that Laird Street in Wilkes-Barre? Caller: No! In fact, the first block is in Plains Township. The second block is in Parsons, and when they cross Scott Street, they’ll be in Miners Mills. Got it? That’s where you need to direct them.
Dispatcher: Ooh, thank you. That was easy once I knew the landmarks. Caller: Never mind. Cancel the call. While we were talking, I drove to the Hollenback Fire Station, and the good people there are already on their way. They know where my house is! Dispatcher: Do we have a fire station in Holland?
Caller: I don’t think so, but that might explain the increase in city taxes. Dispatcher; OK! If I can be of any more assistance, just call 911.
Caller: Boy! Do I wish they use this call as a training exercise!
Residents of Luzerne County, are you laughing or crying? I’m sure happy I don’t still live on Prospect Street. There must be at least a half-dozen of them.
Maybe instead of hiring the “pretty face” or the relative who needs a job, we should hire retired police, firefighters and delivery people of all varieties (bread, beer, Tastykakes, FedEx, UPS and USPS?
Here’s my best idea: Hire Realtors who know how to use MapQuest, GPS and maybe even the satellite locators that can even see your house in real-time and watch it burn as the 911 people are misdirecting the responders.
Robert L. Evans Sr.
Wilkes-Barre