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The University of Scranton has announced its commencement speaker via Twitter on Monday, and the choice is turning heads.
“We are thrilled to announce that Monica Lewinsky will be delivering the commencement address to the Class of 2015,” the tweet revealed.
The decision to have a woman who performed fellatio on a married man advise students on how to execute the next step of their lives may sound as though the Jesuit school is going rogue, but according to University of Scranton Professor of Psychology, Dr. Erich Steinbraum, the decision was part of an agenda to help their graduates.
“Ms. Lewinsky has dealt with an immense amount of public scrutiny,” Steinbraum told Weekender intern Hanna Clemmens via Tinder chat. “Many people only see her as that intern who went down on the president but seem to forget that she is a highly educated woman. How do you think she became an intern at The White House in the first place? Her intelligence got her there. Her sex drive got her in trouble. I think a lot of our students can learn from her. Our graduates are very educated, and many of them are very horny, as well. One false move, they could be her. We invited her here because we don’t want them to be the next Monica Lewinsky.”
The unconventional revelation has attracted both backlash and praise.
Lorraine Newbroney of Jessup is outraged that Lewinsky will be speaking at her daughter Janessa’s graduation. “I didn’t bust my ass by getting a second job or put a second mortgage on my house to put my daughter through the best college in the area for some cheap little slut to give her advice on the next chapter of her life. I think it’s shameful. The University of Scranton is a highly-regarded religious institution. What the hell would Jesus have to say about this shit? I’m pissed. I need a smoke,” Newbroney said.
Ellie Quinn from Long Island, New York, is a graduating senior at The U who supports the decision. “I can’t wait to meet her. I think she’s beautiful,” she said. “I have a lot of respect for her. She knows what she wants, and she goes after it. She got to go down on Bill Clinton. Have you seen that silver fox? I would have done the same thing, are you kidding me? What kind of idiot wouldn’t want to fool around with the most powerful man in the world?”
For graduating senior Parker Dougherty of Philadelphia, listening to Lewinsky’s speech could be educational. “I actually commend the university for having the balls to select someone like Monica Lewinsky. I’m very interested in her story of shame and survival, and I really think she will teach us a lot.”
Lewinsky’s publicist, Joan Biederman, told Weekender that Monica is looking forward to visiting Northeastern Pennsylvania, and is working diligently at writing her speech. According to Biederman, Lewinsky is still thinking of advice from her past, but will advise graduates to swallow their pride and to not be afraid to get on their knees and get their hands dirty.